Last Week on Heroes: Claire learned she'll never be able to use date rape as an excuse in college. Danko and Sylar got so close they briefly grazed penises.
This Week: At the superhero hunting headquarters arbitrarily dubbed Building 26, Sandra Bennet stops by to tell her estranged husband Noah that he should probably maybe think about finding Claire at some point. But he's distracted – still plagued by the suspicion that the Sylar in their bodybag isn't the genuine article.
(Cheaply Nostalgic Side Note: I just found out this weekend that the actress who plays Sandra was the mom in Little Big League – the one who hooks up with that half-deflated Mark McGuire lookalike.)
Hiro and Ando are driving Baby Parkman to see his father in their VERY STYLISH AND EXCITING 2010 NISSAN CUBE! Being as they ostensibly pay a boatload for this product placement, it's pretty puzzling that Nissan allows their spanking-new Scion-esque shitmobile to spend its first scene broken down in the middle of the highway. Luckily for Nissan, Hiro and Ando blame it on the baby. Apparently he's using his powers to shut off the engine. His powers of "This car sucks and is ugly."
Seeking to ruin Noah's life from the ground up, the now-shapeshifting Sylar poses as Sandra to serve his nemesis divorce papers. It's a surprisingly genius plan that covers all the bases, because even when Noah discovers that the handwriting isn't her's, he just assumes that she never came to Washington at all. So when he confronts what he thinks is an in-disguise Sylar, he beats her up and nearly blows her modest acting ability right through her forehead. When he discovers that it really is her, he is immediately horrified and heartbroken. It's all very "Tales of the Black Freighter" and, honestly, a very good scene.
Parkman finds and kidnaps the ex-mail order bride Danko's been secretly dating, threatening to kill her right in front of him. Parkman's like "I should take her away from you, the same way you took… you know… the blonde one… short hair? Ah, God, this is gonna bother me… anyway WE WERE DEEPLY IN LOVE." Faltering (to no one's surprize), Parkman suddenly gets projectile dysfunction, leading Danko to pull a gun on him. Matt resigns himself to his fate, deciding he doesn't want to live without… Dana? Dabney? Daff… Daffy? BUT WAIT! Hiro suddenly freezes time, walks in and grabs Parkman at the last second, wheeling him out to safety, as he does these days. Outside, Matt finally meets his son.
Back at Building 26, Noah tricks Danko into thinking he's Sylar pretending to be Noah (got that?), causing Capt. Corpse to cop to the fact that he's been complicit in Sylar's scheme. But Danko gets the better of him moments later, leading Noah to publically shoot and kill an agent he assumed to be Sylar in disguise. Noah goes running and flailing into the night, not even sticking around to see that… wait for it… it really WAS Sylar!
Angela holds a Petrelli family reunion in a place called Coyote Sands. First she and Peter arrive, then Nathan and Claire, then Noah – who I guess in this whole reunion scenario is the crazy uncle with the embarrassing glasses who may have just killed someone. Anyway, once they gather, Angela tells them, "This is the place. This is where our story REALLY begins."
Angela says that to find their answers, they're gonna have to dig through the metaphorical dirt of her past, which also happens to be actual dirt. So everyone picks up their shovels, silently wishing Maya and Alejandro were still around to handle this part.
That's What She Said:
- "I know when I'm being handled, Noah!"
- "Inside, both of you!"
- "I squeezed out a little extra. For show."
Biblical That's What She Said:
"I knew… all of them."
Next Week: My Morning After column REALLY begins.
