To: All
Re: Budget Cuts

AIG, having been thrust into the media spotlight due to spending practices, is being forced by the federal government to scale back on certain expenses deemed exorbitant by the general public. Of course, this will damage the carefully cultivated corporate atmosphere engendered by these "exorbitant" perks; however, we all must make sacrifices during a recession.

Effective immediately:
-All bathroom attendants are to be let go
-All diamond door handles are to be sold and replaced with glass door handles
-The power to the moving platforms that line the hallways will be shut off
-No personal calls during business hours

Effective beginning January 1, 2010:
-All employees making over $200,000 per year will be subject to random drug testing
-New ID cards will no longer be made of solid gold
-Signed receipts must be provided for all expense reports¼/div>
-The wine fridges located in all offices must be rented for use at the price of $100 per month

Sincerely,
The Management