Let's dive right in, shall we?

This week, Britney Spears halted a performance in Vancouver for 45 minutes because 'the stage area was too smoky' for her to perform.  She later concluded the show by saying 'don't smoke weed.'  Um, Brit?  You're in VANCOUVER.  The flowers in your dressing room are weed.  Nice try, though. (WWTDD)

This week, Fall Out Boy's Pete Wentz was photographed partying with a couple of strippers while wife Ashlee Simpson stayed home with their new baby.  Uh oh.  Looks like everyone's favorite emo family is about to actually have a reason for to be emo. (Celebslam)

This week, the South Park guys set their sights on Kanye West, portraying him as an egotistical, gay, dick-loving fish (you had to be there).  And it worked!  Kanye responded on his blog, admitting his ego was getting out of control and pledging to be a better person.  Um, hey economy?  Did you happen to catch last week's episode?  Anything you want to tell us? (IDLYITW, DListed)

Lesbians of the world rejoice (or blaspheme, either way), because Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson are OVER.  Legit over.  As in, Sam changed the locks and hired 5 security guards to keep Lindsay away.  Which seems like either the start of a really bad R&B song or a really great episode of True Life. (Celebslam, WWTDD)

Wrestlemania fans got a huge surprise this week when Mickey Rourke stormed the ring just in time to save Rick Flair and kick Chris Jericho's ass.  You know, like the movie he was in!  Except completely devoid of good acting. (WWTDD)

The big news this week was Madonna's attempted adoption being turned down by the Malawian government.  Poor Madonna.  I know African babies are like shoes – only stylish in pairs.  Someday you'll get that other baby, I promise. (IDLYITW)

Jessica Simpson was dropped from her country label this week, after weeks of unflattering media attention and concert after concert of flubbed lyrics.  Well whaddya know.  Country music has standards after all. (IDLYITW)

It's a sad week for Aragorn lovers, because according to Viggo Mortensen, he may be done with acting.  Which sucks, because I've been working really hard on my LOTR 4 screenplay, tentatively titled 'Let Me Ent-tertain You.'  Man that's bad.  LOTR 4: Back in the Hobbit?  (DListed)

Ok enough with actual news, right?  Like a crowded speakeasy during Prohibition, the guys are just here for the jugs.  Well here's the sexiest photoshoot I found all week.  (Celebslam)

Kidding!  That was Kathy Griffin standing awkwardly in a bikini.  You should have seen your FACE!  Creepy, right?  But also…strangely arousing?  You don't have to tell me.  Now here's a legit photoshoot with Marisa Miller.  And a Kelly Monaco burlesque show for good measure. (Egotastic, Hollywood Tuna)

KFed (remember that dude?) has been tagging along on Britney's recent tour as a caretaker for their sons, but rumors broke this week that they are bumping uglies again.  I mean, duh.  They're on a BUS.  It's like high school field trips all over again. (WWTDD)

The first single from Eminem's new CD Relapse leaked this week, proving once and for all that Eminem is still alive. (WWTDD)

Chris Brown appeared in court this week to enter his plea in the Rihanna domestic abuse case.  He pled 'not guilty' blah blah blah but more importantly, he is straight up wearing prom pants to court.  Look at them!  That stripe down the side?  Prom pants!  That's hilarious. (Celebslam)

This week, two paparazzi caught taking pictures at Tom Brady and Gisele's secret wedding were SHOT AT by guards as they peeled out in their car.  What?!  Can you imagine if this happened all the time?  It would make paparazzi so much more badass!  I vote yes.  All opposed?  Oh, ok, everyone else.  My b.  (but COME ON.) (IDLYITW)

Cleave of the week!  There was a lot of good cleave this week, but only one that slightly resembled an argyle sock.  And that honor belongs to Anna Faris. (Egotastic)

And last but not least, this week's Still Got It.  While Robert Downey Jr's sexy man-heels were tempting, and Bono sans-glasses startled me, I have to give the title to the infamous Paris Hilton.  Because this.  Just….what the fuck, Paris.  What.  The.  Fuck. (DListed, Hollywood Tuna)