1. You're Verbose
The 140 character limit means you typically have to tweet five times in a row just to get out a sentence.
2. You Don't Do Anything
And you know it. You don't need to articulate the non-happenings of your day, nor share it with the world.
3. Celebrities Are Not Interesting When They're Not On TV
Um, thanks for sharing Demi Moore but no-one gives a flip about what you bought at the supermarket today. Also, a lot of celebs seem to tweet almost exclusively about Twitter, which gives zero juicy gossip or insight into how the rich and famous live. Case in point: Kevin Smith "I think someone tried to hack into my account. Bummer." or Jimmy Fallon "I soooo love technology, and I love the power of people." Shut up and go write a funny movie.
4. Celebrities ARE Interesting When They're Not On TV
As well as being a sporting hero, Shaq also has the best Twitter ever and could quite easily start a comedy career off of his Twitter success "I c two twin sisters. Ug and Lee lol". Even laughing at his own jokes is funny. Twitter is also just another way for some celebrities to show off their awesome lives and cool personalities.
5. Celebrities Whine A LOT
Oh, sorry Britney, you're jet-lagged from flying to Japan again? What's that, Ashton? You don't make enough money playing the same character in every movie to deal with the paparazzi so you're bitching about it on Twitter? Go fuck yourself.
6. You Hate Facebook Status Updates
And that is pretty much what Twitter is. That and nothing else. Except that it's not on Facebook.
7. Your Parents Will Have One Within 2 Weeks
By now, they've got Facebook down and are just starting to ask about Twitter. Do you really want to have to explain why you're not following them? Do you really want multiple texts from your mom letting you know she just "twitted" your baby pictures? Do you want your dad's bad jokes in your dashboard?
8. You're Getting Homework About It
Now that Twitter is a cultural phenomenon it's about as cool as a male cheerleader.
9. 75% Of Your Followers Are Companies
You secretly feel popular to have triple digit followers within just a couple weeks, but the marketing robots at JetBlue are not your friends and Betty Draper is a fictional character, though her posts about middle-class family life in 1960s New York state are riveting.
10. It's Tough To Spot A Fake
Tina Fey's Fake Twitterer is almost as funny as she is, but that doesn't make it worth reading. Even the CollegeHumor guys April Fooled everybody with a fake RickyVanV account, but seriously, there are better forms of entertainment than reading the most boring and mundane details from a fake account.