It's television pitch season people. Here are shows currently in production. Get excited:
Adventure LAN: Let's Get This LAN Party Started!! Similar to Laguna Beach but about the Local Area Network party scene. So much real and virtual drama. Status obsessed gamers vie for top spots in the hand eye coordination hierarchy. Live footage and epic montages of this adrenaline filled sexless subculture. Sponsored by Mountain Dew and pizza.
Incogvitro: Blends themes of sex addiction, plastic surgery, and paternity uncertainty into this season's hottest topic: In vitro fertilization. We interview women who are addicted to test tube baby making. Science never looked so sexy, or pregnant.
Almost Dead and Never Wed: Capitalizing on Engaged and Underage, this show follows swinging singles who are decrepitly old. Watch as disillusioned elderly aspire to have one night stands. Disclaimer: disgusting footage of arthritic bodies getting it on.
Fashion Passion: Do you wear a suit on casual Fridays? Would you wear a corset on a first date? Well, why not?! The golden rule of fashion is you can never be overdressed. Ever. Strategic product placement will make viewers SHOP SPEND SHOP. Credit card cutting: out, credit cards cutting cocaine: in.
Common Law Kitchens: Renovations for the not fully committed. Unmarried couples remodel their kitchen with sub par construction jobs. Low maintenance projects that require no contractual obligation. Participants can leave at anytime.
Dr. Phil Roast: Who doesn't love Dr. Phil? Right, everyone. The comedy network will host a literal Dr.Phil roast. Watch as he is publicly executed and roasted over an open flame. It's time this "Dr" gets a taste of his own medicine; exploitation in the name of entertainment. Karma never looked so much like a glob of melted butter.