Go Tarheels. Not the team, the horrific rare animals.
The only thing more satisfying than peeing in the pool is peeing into the pool.
Every toilet is a bidet if you're desperate.
She thinks she's my girlfriend, but it's really just a 146-night stand.
CannibalismI have enough meat on my body to feed me for the rest of my life.
When I was a kid I used to dunk on a 7' hoop in my driveway and wait for an NBA scout to drive by and draft me. Unfortunately the chance of that happening was very slim; I lived in a culdesac.
Pick up line for girls with OCD"That's a nice dress, but it would look a lot better folded neatly in a drawer"
Good FridayWhy do they call it Good Friday? For Jesus, even "Friday After Next" was a better Friday
Yo momma so old, she remembers when yo momma jokes were funny.
I find it rude when deaf people talk to me with their hands full.