Dear Somalian Pirates,

Listen, guys. We know you love Lost. The adventures, the guns, the hostage-taking, the excitement. There are freighters and boats and canoes and there's always a war between someone and someone else. For pirates, like you, it must be a pretty great show.

But, we think you went a little too far this time. Not cool, Somalian Pirates, not cool.

We're sorry we had to shoot at you, but when you're playing Lost, there are a few rules you have to follow. Like, for example, you can't actually take someone hostage and threaten his country in the hopes of getting money. This isn't about money, you silly Somalian Pirates! It's about THE ISLAND!

And, one more thing….it's 2009. Pirates? Really?




Here's what went down this week, in a baby Miles diaper:

Dr. Chang left his wife and kid (Miles) when Miles was just a baby. Then he died. Miles grew up with his mom in the real world, and he discovered his "talking to dead people" power when he was very young. On the island in 1977, Miles has to do some dead body moving for Horace. Hurley finds out about it, and they chat about talking to dead people and about Miles' dad. Kate is nice to Uncle Rico, who suspects she's in on the Ben-taking. Jack warns Sawyer about that. Then one of Sawyer's underlings says he saw Sawyer and Kate taking Ben. Sawyer knocks him out.

Here's what we learn:

1. Star Wars makes anything better.

2. Miles is so bitter because his father left him when he was a baby. This is probably the only topic that can make Miles cry, and eventually, it does.

3. Miles really only does shit for the money. He does give Mr. Gray a refund, but it's to teach the guy a lesson, not to be compassionate. Great scene.

4. In the early 80s, you could get a candy bar from a vending machine for a quarter!

5. I love watching Radzinsky. He's like super-nerd trying to act tough. If he were born 50 years later, he'd be one of those quiet kids who suddenly goes nuts and murders the whole football team.