It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!
Brett S., Colorado State
Remember how you kept getting those itchy rashes? Yeah, that was all me buddy. I would use an urushiol spray from blending up poison ivy and water, and spraying the inside of your pants and socks. I told you not to "borrow" my clothes to go downtown in and you did it anyway. I figured an "Eagle Scout" could have figured it all out.
Parker, School Not Given
Hey, sweetie. I know we just got married a few months ago, but for some reason you decided that you were depressed and unhappy with who you were. Nevermind the fact that I had never been happier in my life and was completely fooled into thinking that you felt the same. So imagine my surprise when you told me you nearly had an affair with a 35 year old single mother two weeks ago! (She apparently sent him naked pictures and he was trying to go over for sex after I left for class at 7:30 AM) That being said, when you're sitting next to me eating the dinner I made while texting constantly for 4 hours (automatically deleting everything), don't tell me it's your brother. I can hack your Cingular account, where I just printed off the six pages of text records you two had piled up in a few days. Anywho, just wanted to let you know that I spent your tax return at the mall, then got my hair and nails done. I've never tipped $50 at the nail salon before, but I'm sure the Vietnamese lady needed it. See you when you get home from work, but don't be surprised if I hand you some papers on my way out.
L.D., School Not Given
Remember how you and your friends looked down on me for dropping out of the business school, becoming a liberal arts major, and smoking weed all the time? And then you claimed I was "ruining your GPA" and moved out without a moment's notice, sticking me with the entire apartment? Well, I just sat back, got fucked up all the time, and enjoyed my shiny new Honor Roll GPA while the recession screwed you guys over real bad. I have a full-time job this summer. I hear you're unemployed. That sucks. Better luck next year! (By the way, I was bluffing when I said you should come pick up the stuff you left when you moved out. I threw it away a long time ago.)
Ryan James, School Not Given
Hey Sadie, remember the time you had that "mystery illness" that cost you a week of school, gave you diarrhea for four days straight, and made you vomit all over your brand new blanket your fat mother bought you for Christmas? Yeah, uh, I betcha it might have something to do with me dunking your leftover lasagna in the toilet and then putting it back in the fridge. Maybe next time you won't go around drunkenly singing in front of your stupid friends about how my name rhymes with chlamydia and that I should get tested.
Lydia H., Drexel
Submit yours here!