To the Office of Global "Education:"

I have wanted to study abroad ever since my older brother came back from a semester in Europe two years ago and told me how much easier school was over there. I feel that the opportunity to spend most of my parents' money drinking and going to clubs in a completely different country all under the guise of "learning about another culture" is a once in a lifetime opportunity that I should not pass up.

I believe that London, England is the city that best combines my desire to go to Europe with my desire to not have to experience anything more foreign than calling soccer football, which I probably will not do anyway. I plan to make the most of my time there by eating at McDonald's at least three times a week, yelling incoherently about the American Revolution every time I get drunk, and hanging out with only other Americans studying abroad and any attractive girls who decide to talk to me.

Where I study is actually not that important, as I will be leaving at least every other weekend to travel to a different city. At each place I visit, I will make plans to see the major tourist attractions and museums but will instead get extremely drunk each night and wake up too hung over to do anything until evening, when I will start drinking again. Furthermore, I will attempt to communicate with the locals only by speaking English slowly and loudly. If they do not understand me, I will walk away with a disgusted look on my face in order to ensure that the stereotype of the ugly American lives on.

I have enclosed a list of the classes I will be taking, but it really does not matter since I plan to go to them only if and when I happen to wake up in time. If you need any other documents from me, please let me know, and I will have my parents get them to you at the last possible minute.


P.S. I heard they drive on the left side of the road in London. Seriously, what the fuck is up with that?