So the other night my friends fiance told us that she had a dream about her teeth falling out, this of course sparked a few crude jokes about the meaning of such a dream, which led to actually looking up common dreams and what they mean. what we found was complete and utter bullshit in my opinion, so I thought I would write my own blurb concerning the top five most common dreams; according to an online column by an anonymous writer for the health section of msnbc.com. ?elow are the five most common dreams and an abbreviated version of what MSNBC claims they mean, followed by my own writings.

One: Falling Dream

MSNBC: First of all they wanted to be sure that people know that if you fall in your dream and you hit the ground in your dream, YOU DONT DIE, but I personally believe that if you believed that at any point past the age of 18 you should, on second thought I guess I will be nice, you probably have a lot going on in your life right now. Falling in your dream also means that something in your life (career, money, relationship) is heading in the wrong direction, and you need to make a change. t is also affiliated with depression.

My Version: Go figure, the dream is affiliated with depression, I'll tell you what, if you think about jumping off bridges all day you will eventually have a dream about it, so thats that. Second, falling does not signify that I am having trouble with finances, career or relationships, you know what does?… The dream that your girlfriend is fucking a successful guy who drives a BMW, behind your back, thats the dream that tells me its time to take a closer look at things. On to the next dream.

Two: Being Chased Dream

MSNBC: Boy, they really took a chance with this one. it seems that MSNBC thinks this dream indicates that you are afraid of something in your waking life or that you don't want to face confrontation, or you are trying to get out of an obligation. It could also mean that you are¡fraid´hat something from the past might catch up with you, they suggest that you face your fears.

My Version: Oh wow, you think being chased means you are afraid of something?? HOLY SHIT!! its a fucking breakthrough in neurological understanding and interpretation!!!! No, you know what dream would tell me I'm afraid to confront something in my real life or the past?? The dream when my convict Uncle comes to visit me and all we wants to do is play catch up on how big my penis has gotten over the past 20 years, and then he reminds me that I have an OBLIGATION to not tell my parents or I will be the one who gets in trouble. Thats the dream you gotta look out for, thats the dream that counts.

Third: Teeth Falling Out Dream

MSNBC: According to the experts at MSNBC, this dream means that you should be a little more conservative with your speech, perhaps you have been talking shit or speaking without thinking. Maybe you were too blunt or said some mean things, and those things should have stayed in your mouth, like your teeth, hahahahahaha.

My Version: I have never had this dream in my life, and if you knew me, you might think I have been plagued by this dream since 7th grade, but that is not the case, because like the two prior dream explanations, this one is also bullshit. You know what dream tells me this, no dream, what tells me this is when I wake up in the morning and have no idea what happened past 8pm, their are two empty Mad Dogs on the floor, then I look at my phone and see that I texted all my ex girlfriends with the words "CUNT SHOES WOULD SURE FIT YOU WELL", and I've got 9 messages from my crying mother telling me "I think you need to go on medication." "hats what tells me it might be time to tighten up a bit, not a fucking dream.

Fourth: Back at School Dream

MSNBC: They credit this dream with pressure at your job. whether its pressure to move up from your family, or pressure to simply not fuck up and be scrutinized. They also go on to say that its not unlikely to be naked, except for your shoes, in this dream.

My Version: I have personally had this dream many times, recently in fact, and I can tell you that I don't give a shit about moving up or being scrutinized at my current job, so what's the deal? ?ets get real for a second… I personally believe that people have this dream because school is such a large part of life. …even if you didn't go to college, most of you still went to high school, or got pregnant and dropped out in tenth grade like the Spanish girls at my high school. Thats about 4-12 years of really worrying about tests and other bullshit, its no wonder its a reoccurring dream, people have dreams about what they experience in life, and school is a big experience. ž¢ou might also have this dream because dreams are assholes sometimes.

Fifth: Spouse is Cheating Dream

MSNBC: First they warn you that this dream is not the main indicator your spouse is cheating, but then what will rednecks use as their proof when they make their drunken accusation. below is what it might sound like, remeber they are both drunk, in a trailer and slurring their speech.

Redneck Girl: You sonna bitch, yous been cheating on me havent you, you bastard

Redneck Man: Fuck you, you crazy bitch, I aint been cheating on you, who the hells been told you that bullshit!!!!

Redneck Girl: I HAD A DReam about it…. you sonna bitch!!!

Redneck Man: Well i cant explain that!!!!

MSNBC also claims that you have this dream because your spouse has become involved in something else that takes away a lot of their time and doesnt involve you, such as work or video games. in "reality" its not that they are actually cheating on you, its that you feel "cheated" out of time with your spouse, what a wonderful way to look at it.

My Version: She's¤efinitely£heating on you and its time to start going through that bitches personal shit. Im talking text messages, facebook, purse, car, EVERYTHING. Take a day off work and FOLLOW HER ASS. "ure she might go to Starbucks like she does everyday for her morning coffee, but ask yourself this…. does she also suck someone off in the Starbucks bathroom everyday??? Yeah, she might stop at Boston Market to pick up dinner for both of you, but ask yourself this, is she getting bent over in the kitchen by a guy from Boston?? This dream is telling you something man!! When you have this dream you have to remember details, what the guy looked like, what she was wearing, what day of the week it was, that way you can create a level of paranoia that schizophrenia couldn't touch. Come on, you have this dream because you are scared that your girlfriend/boyfriend is cheating on you, its a literal meaning in the purest sense, but remember, she's most likely cheating, probably with your good looking friend, you know the one.

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