Last Week on Heroes: Mohinder was arrested and hauled off to Building 26 , which also happens to be the same number of times that has now happened. Sylar kept morphing into his dead mother so they could have imaginary conversations, presumably about opening an ominous roadside motel together. He was also masquerading as Senator Nathan Petrelli until Danko stabbed him in the back. (Of the head.)
This Week: On his way to Washington with Angela and Claire in a 2009 Nissan Productplacement, Noah notices that they're headed for an agent-run roadblock up ahead. Luckily he deduces this in enough time to get Angela and Claire out of the car, urging them to sprint to safety. And though I'd like to believe it was just his way of convincing two very annoying people to run scared shitless into the woods for his own amusement, there actually does appear to be cops waiting for him. Sure enough, he is arrested and thrown into a cell with Capt. Corpse, whom Sylar has had apprehended by his own agents through the use of confusing-the-utter-fuck-out-of-everyone-both-onscreen-and-at-home.
Sylar's sinister new plan is to pose as Nathan just long enough to meet with and take the place of President Thatblackguyfromstartrek, who apparently ran on the slogan "Yes We Can Elect Someone Who Appears To Be Severely Crosseyed." Claire shows up to see her "dad," and is fooled long enough to end up in a room alone with him
Elsewhere, Hiro is still reeling (reering?) from last week's Super Happy Funtime Nosebleed, but he and-o Ando are able to infiltrate Building 26 nonetheless. They wake and free Mohinder, who immediately notices something off about the Quantum Geek. Mo's diagnosis is that Hiro's pupils are dialated because the use of his power is making him sick. My diagnosis is that Hiro's pupils are dialated because they're all standing around in the fucking dark.
Sidling up to Claire on a couch, Sylar leans in lasciviously and suggests that being the only two immortals on earth will inevitably bring them together as lovers.
Nevermind that for a good chunk of this season, he believed them to be blood relatives, or that her character is underage, or that the actress playing her has a skull larger than a regulation-size basketball. Man, if Sylar doesn't raise his standards, he's going to be the pedophile all the other pedophiles make jokes about.
Walking toward that very room to tangle with Sylar, Peter and Nathan mean business MEAN business. Peter tells Nathan "I'll take him high, you take him low," which earns him a D in strategic planning, but an A+ in completely ignoring his older brother's only superpower.
They bum rush Sylar, and we get merely a glimpse of their superscuffle before the double doors slam shut, thanks to one of Sylar's more obscure abilities, Depriving The Audience Of Any Sort Of Enjoyment Whatsoever.
What we DO get is a fantastic view of Claire's eyeball as she looks on through the crack for no less than a full minute, all "I really wish you guys at home could see the special effects exravaganza!" She inexplicably allows the fight to go on without her, because why help your fragile and historically death-prone biological father not meet an excessively bloody and painful end when you'd probably just get in the way with all your stupid invulnerability?
Speaking of which, new drinking game: Take a shot every time Nathan dies in a Heroes season finale. Ready? Congratulations, that's about one shot every four months, you fucking weirdo. That's a terrible idea for a game. Anyway, you guessed it: Nathan does die, AGAIN, and this time (via slit throat) it appears to be for keeps. And before you say "But Chase! Couldn't they just give him a transfusion with Claire's Magically Invincible Midget Blood!?" I would argue that the fact he had already bled out completely by the time anyone found him would preclude his eligibility for that scenario. Although they might have a shot if they duct-taped the rest of his head back on first, according to my medical consultant.
Angela seeks out Parkman, who just got back from being boring as shit in another part of the country. As they approach the room where Nathan's neck is still gurgling, Parkman tricks a cop into letting them pass. Angela smirks. See Angela? It's a pretty fun power to be around when the person using it isn't constantly giving you brain damage. Anyway when Angela finds her oldest son's bloodied corpse, she screams like a pool-chair-chucking Marissa Cooper.
Sylar makes it to the presidential limo (Ground Force One?), where he grabs President Worf's outstretched hand. But wait! It's actually Peter, who stole Sylar's shapeshifting ability during the fight. He swiftly administers a tranquilizer, and Sylar goes down.
Here's where it gets (comparatively) interesting. Like some kind of makeshift illuminati, Angela and Noah are able to convince Parkman that it's in the best interest of the world for Nathan to live on. So he reluctantly goes Haitian on Sylar's brain, making him FORGET THAT HE WAS EVER HIMSELF, and implants as much of Nathan's personality as he can. I don't even care that the whole Secret Brain Rape Pact was nicked from DC's Identity Crisis arc as well as probably a half dozen other places that's pretty cool shit.
With Sylar now effectively Nathan, and no one but the three of them the wiser, they put the fake Sylar's body in his place. And even though he is neither Darth Vader nor a viking, they all go out to the woods and burn the body over a funeral pyre. As it roasts, they all peel off into the woods one-by-one like they just robbed a bunch of casinos and Sylar's charred remains are the fountain in front of the Bellagio. Hey, guys? Guys. You can't just leave that there.
Mercifully, for many of you, that's the end of this volume, and we get our traditional sneak peek at the start of the next one titled Redemption.
What We See:
- Tracy is back, forming out of a puddle of water like an Alex Mack made of boobs and murder.
- Proving he hasn't forgotten all of his Sylarishness, "Nathan" makes the most ominous clock adjustment in television history. I am going get really fucking sick of those quotation marks.
'That's What She Said' of the Season:
Until next fall (unless you watch Mad Men), I leave you with this, which was uttered in last week's ep:
"Get out of my body!"