One, two three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty, thirty-one, thirty-two, thirty-three, thirty-four, thirty-five, thirty-six, thirty-seven, thirty-eight, thirty-nine, forty, forty-one, forty-two, forty-three, forty-four, forty-five, forty-six, forty-seven, forty-eight, forty-nine, fifty, fifty-one, fifty-two, fifty-three….etc, etc….ninety-eight, ninety-nine…..ONE HUNDRED.

Today marked President Obama's 100th Day in Office. But, it marked another historic day in American culture as well: The One Hundredth Episode of Lost.

And, holy fucking shitballs, people! This one was INSANE!

Here's what went down this week, in a barrel of fuel:

Desmond's in the hospital. Don't worry; he'll be ok. Eloise comes and talks to Penny. Back on the island, the jig is up. Sawyer holds a meeting to decide if he and the rest of the Future People should commandeer a sub, or hide in the jungle. Instead, Faraday convinces everyone (but Sawyer) to help him find his mother and prevent a disaster. After an awesome gun fight between Jack/Kate/Daniel and Radzinsky et al, Faraday eventually finds his young mom who SHOOTS HIM!!!!! And Radzinsky soon has Juliet and Sawyer at gunpoint too.

Here's what we learn:

1. According to Daniel, his mother lied when she told Jack that they needed to return to the island because it "was their destiny." Why did she really want them back, then? It seems she wanted certain circumstances to be in place. More on that in a moment (See number 5).
2. Was there a ton of new music in this episode, or was it just me? Very distracting. I'll take my one-note Lost soundtrack back, please.
3. J.J. Abrams can cross-promote the fuck out of himself. The Enterprise flies through the letter O in Lost?!! Outstanding!
4. Daniel tries to convince Miles' dad that they're from the future. No dice.
5. OK. Stay with me here. Eloise is pushing her son from birth to be a scientist. It seems that she is doing this ONLY because she knows that there is something he must do on that island. This "something" that Daniel does is SO IMPORTANT that she sends him back to the island – KNOWING that a younger version of herself will KILL HIM. So the question is: What is so important that you would send your own son to his death? Here's what I came up with: if she doesn't push him to go to the island, he would have never told the Others to bury the hydrogen bomb (back in the 50s). If he hadn't done that, then Eloise would have died, and therefore Daniel would have never been born in the first place. What are your thoughts on this, guys???
6. Daniel thought there was no chance to change the past. Now he seems to have changed his mind.
7. Phil's in the closet, but not gay.
8. Have you guys all read that Lost Time Loop website theory? I've skimmed it. But, here's the deal. Faraday – for some reason – is emotionally affected by the crash of Flight 815 BEFORE he even meets these people. But why? If the Time Loop Theory is true (i.e. the characters are in an endless loop but they keep forgetting it each time it restarts), then this makes sense. Faraday would have met them before…many times. (We don't know what number loop we are actually viewing. It could have happened 10 times already). Faraday can access these hidden memories because all that experimenting has left him with a bit of an odd "condition." So he vaguely knows that he met the people on that plane. Does that make sense? If not, let me know why you think he's crying.
9. Do we think Eloise is also Penny's mom? Or is that too much chocolate?
10. "Too much chocolate" is my slang for "too much of a good thing." Please make it catch on.
11.Teresa was Dan's research assistant and girlfriend. He fucked her up by accident with all of the time travel stuff. This devastated him. He couldn't let it happen again, which is why he tells Charlotte as a little girl to get off the island. This is also why he is trying to prevent Flight 815 from ever having crashed. Because if he stops the cycle of events (by detonating the bomb), Charlotte would never come back to the island on the freighter. And she won't die.
12. Desmond FORGOT TO PUSH THE BUTTON ONCE AND THAT IS WHAT CRASHED FLIGHT 815!
13. Faraday was all effed up after Oxofrd. Widmore had funded his grant there, and he also tells Faraday (after Oxford) that if he goes to this special island, he'll be healed. Oh, one more thing: WIDMORE is FARADAY's DAD. No biggie.
14. Eloise had a child with Widmore. But now she's helping Ben. Is their fight over her?
15. Anyone can die in their present.
16. Why doesn't Daniel have a British accent?
17. SHOOTOUT! Awesome scene.
18. Yes, that was me in last week's Parks and Recreation. You're welcome.