Happy May, everybody! In case you were too busy droppin' d's in the ocean this week, here's a quick rundown of the Hollywood haps. (Egotastic)

Kelly McGinnis, the hot chick from Top Gun, revealed this week that she is now a lesbian. Dammit Tom Cruise, stop touching things! You're like the anti-Midas. (WWTDD)

I know I talk a lot about Kim Kardashian, and trust me, I hate it too. But this time it's an emergency. Nobody panic, but I'm pretty sure her ass is about to go supernova. Please alert, um, the space police? Or whatever. Just get someone down here ASAP. (Hollywood Tuna)

Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick announced this week that they plan on having twins with a surrogate mom. That's two babies closer to your all-baby coat, SJP! (IDLYITW)

This week, as a promotion for his upcoming film Land of the Lost, Will Ferrell filmed a 48 hour stint on Man Vs. Wild where he and Bear drank their own urine and ate reindeer eyeballs. Which ironically sounds like the beginning of a Ron Burgundy quote. (WWTDD)

This week, Sean Penn and his wife Robin Wright Penn filed for divorce for the third time in twenty years. Robin, you're only supposed to file for divorce if he DOESN'T win Oscars. You're doing it wrong! (WWTDD)

Cleave of the Week! There are two reasons Diora Baird is the best marketing tool Star Trek could have asked for, and one of them isn't her acting. They're both her loyalty. (Egotastic)

Alright, so you know how cartoon girls like Jessica Rabbit have huge boobs and impossibly small waists? Well. Leave it to Megan Fox to make the impossible possible. I feel like I'm cheating psychics just looking at this picture.(Popoholic)

This week, People released their 100 Most Beautiful Stars list, and FHM released their 100 Sexiest Stars list. Both lists were topped by Mickey Rourke. This is his year! (WWTDD, Popoholic)

Britney Spears grossed out concertgoers this week by performing with her tampon string hanging out. As a girl, allow me to inform you that NOT having your tampon string hang out is probably the easiest thing in the universe. Although the second easiest is not shaving your head, so nevermind. (Celebslam)

Ok, I can't resist, I have to do a Cleave of the Week sequel. 2Cleave2Week. It's not my fault! Blame Halle Berry. (Hollywood Tuna)

So Mel Gibson and his wife are getting divorced because of this chick, right? Well this week he took this chick to a movie premiere. So either the blogs are wrong or Mel Gibson is hard core pimping. And if Jennifer Aniston's 26 consecutive pregnancies have told us anything, its that the blogs are never wrong. (WWTDD, Celebslam)

You guys, I have terrible news. Powder Blue, my future favorite movie of all time, is going straight to DVD. Dammit Hollywood! I was really looking forward to reporting on the number of in-theatre beatoffs. (IDLYITW)

This week, someone grabbed Paris' boobs while she was out at a club. Someone please alert, um, the health police? Or whatever. Patient Zero of the swine flu has been identified. (Celebslam)