Now with 10% more funny!

I feel like I am becoming to much of a yuppie nowadays, because every time I smoke pot I get the brunchies.
-Jason Saenz
You're momma's so old…
The odds are good you have Downs Syndrome.
-Kacie Peters
Swine Flew
Several news organizations are reporting there might be a worldwide epidemic…when pigs fly!
-Andrew B.
Germany, the original Polish remover.
-Ruck Ruck
Some one told me the phrase "trust people as far as you can throw them", turns out I trust babies A LOT
-Kevin Balaguera
Ivan Drago Supermarket Manager
"I must lunch break you"
-Jackson Kilpatrick
Last sunday I decided to do a little Wake and Bake. I don't think I've ever been so sconed.
-Conrad Schoenleber
I sawed a woman in the park today
Not bad grammar. Just recollections of a deranged killer.
-Chris P.
Mexicanized Drinks
Mexican Screwdriver: OJ and Tequila
Mexican Cola: Coke and Tequila
Mexican Sex on the Beach: Rape
-Jason P
The whole "is the glass half empty or half full" thing doesn't really work for alcoholics
-Ryan Shaver