Tonight I embarked on what was supposed to be, or at least what I thought it was supposed to be, Disney's big "FUCK YOU" to BBC. Instead, I get 2 hours of varied footage from all of the Planet Earth series compiled into a dumbed down, American version of BBC's documented series. Here is why "Earth" sucked.

1. The voice over was done by James Earl Jones (Darth Vader)
-I understand how you would think this would be awesome. Refer to (2, 3, 4, 5, 7)

2. He is very condescending during the Polar bear part. (he said something like: the polar bear hibernates, it means he stays in his den… ALL WINTER LONG :D.

3. He panders to the religious crowd. Ever so subtly, he references twice to the Earths axis being situated at 23 degrees near the beginning.

4. He didn't document the Grinch like he did so thoroughly in his other documentary.

5. Absence of Luke Skywalker.

6. This movie was geared towards families. It shows animals catching their prey and then the scene cuts before he eats them. Total let down.

7. What he doesn't dumb down to adults, he dumbs down to children. Explaining the circle of life during the hunting scenes so they don't cry.

8. Monkeys and birds don't dance. Don't you dare put music to them doing whacky things ever again Disney.

9. It was literally the worst parts of Planet Earth. No action.

In Summation: It's Planet Earth on the biggest screen possible and in the loudest surround sound. If you go, go high. Baby ducks failing FTW