Early Adolescence

Penis:
HEY MAN, WHAT'S GOING ON?

Brain:
Nothing, just calm down. I'm wearing sweatpants and we're right in the middle of class.

Penis:
BRO, LOOK AT ALL THESE CHICKS. LET'S HAVE SEX WITH THEM. ALL OF THEM.

Brain:
We're definitely not gonna do that.

Penis:
YO THAT VOLCANO DIORAMA LOOKS LIKE A BOOB. WE SHOULD HAVE SEX WITH IT.

Brain:
Please go back to sleep.

Penis:
F*CK NO. I'M AMPED.

Brain:
But I've gotta do a presentation. Everyone's going to see you…

Penis:
DON'T CARE.

Brain:
Please, I'm begging you.

Penis:
I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH EVERYTHING IN THIS ROOM.

Young Adulthood

Penis: Damn, your ex is looking pretty good tonight.

Brain: She's crazy.

Penis: Crazy…IN THE SACK!

Brain: I'm not gonna hook up with her. Too much drama.

Penis: WE'LL SORT THAT SHIT OUT LATER.

Brain: No. I'll sort it out later. You'll just do whatever you want and leave me to deal with the consequences.

Penis: WHATEVER, MAN. STOP BEING GAY. WHAT ARE YOU GAY OR SOMETHING?

Brain: Can't we just find someone else?

Penis: I HAVE MADE MY CHOICE. BEND TO MY WILL.

Old Age

Brain: Come on, old buddy. You can do this. It's my 40th wedding anniversary.

Penis: …Ugh.

Brain: Get up! Just this one time. Please.

Penis: Go away. I'm sleepy.

Brain: All I'm asking is for a few minutes.

Penis: With that old hag? That's an eternity.

Brain: That's my wife you're talking about!

Penis: She bores me.

Brain: What if I think about someone else?

Penis: That could work. YEAH! LET'S DO THIS.

Brain: Great. OK, here we go.

Penis: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Brain: SON OF A BITCH.