The opinions listed below are offish and considered facts. Results were achieved by consensus, debate, analysis, a popular vote and random sampling of ice cream. So learn it, live it, luv it:
Best School Subjects
Anything media or health related. All of us have aspirations to work in marketing, advertising or modeling, so courses in media relations and being fit are always good. The tests are easy so don't feel guilty about not writing them (See Christine about where to get a dr's note.)
Vodka Water Bar Lime. This drink is diluted with water to reduce calories and is sweet with a high alcohol content- just like us! If someone buys you this, mack face immediately
American Apparel. These clothes are socially conscious, sexy and ill sauce. The dresses are sleek sauce so go commando for extra thrill sauce. The prices are not cheap sauce but it's worth. Trust sauce.
Causing a scene. Causing drama is a close second.
Pajamas with disheveled hair. During the rare times we are out during the day, let it be known we just rolled out of bed- not necessarily our bed- but someone's bed. This look best compliments the vodka water bar lime scent emanating from your sweat.
Best Time for Parties
Rush. Spring Break. 10pm Tues-Sat.
Other sororities. No doubt we hate gluten, back pain, being cold and each other, but other sororities are competish for frat attention. Considering our sorority has the toughest screening process (Ie. highest fee's) we have the best members. Period. There must be a scrap attack everytime a chicken tries jackin our style. No one copies our swagger and lives to tell.
Sexiest Man Alive
Jake Gyllenhal. Jake Gyllenhal's buff body and boyish looks can be seen in Donnie Darko, Brokeback Mountain, long term relationships and jogging sans shirt with Matthew McConaughey. HOTNESS. Jonah Hill is a close second.
Must See TV DVD
The OC (Early seasons). I don't want to say this tv show defined a generation, but I think I just did. Seth and Ryan perfectly embody all types of dudes- the sexy badass who punches people and the intellectual nerd who doesn't punch people. Welcome to the sorority bitch.
Highest on Hookup Hierarchy
Plowing an uggo. Hooking up with a frat guy, a celebrity or a really old dude are all awesome conquests, but nothing is more epic than banging an ugly person. Giving details of ugliness will warrant you the respect and admiration of the sisters. Too often girls hook up with boys described as average ie. BORING. So up your game by adding some 2/10's to your list, as this is what sorority legends are made of.
Cheers Bitches. The next newsletter will outline parameters of a dive (wingwoman rules) base basics (third base techniques will be the most informative 15 pgs. you ever read) and a look at the Icelandic economy, such a disaster ladies, not since the Atkins diet has something been this useless.