Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
"Cool" Dad at the Party, Translated
May 21, 2009
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I'm not uptight like other adults.
I'm a raging alcoholic trying to relive my glory days.
My son's friends are jealous that their dads aren't this cool.
My son's friends feel awkward watching me drink myself retarded.
All the girls here find my jokes hilarious.
All the girls here find my sexual innuendos really, really creepy.
I should play beer pong!
I should be at home with my wife!
Everyone's laughing at my hilarious antics!
Everyone's forcing nervous laughter so I'll shut up and put my shirt back on!
My son is so proud of me.
My son is never inviting me to anything ever again.
I've still got it!
I'm still as immature as I ever was! My family is ashamed of me.
Where's the after party?
"Where's my husband?"
Best. Night. Ever!
I'm dead on the inside.
You guys want to party next weekend?
Please. I'm so lonely.
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.