Public Enemies: Alright guys, thank you all for coming. I know Wolverine and Angels and Demons haven't done as well as we had hoped, but I think we've still got what it takes to make this a great summer. Now, Land of the Lost, you're set to open June 5, right?
Land of the Lost: I'M IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION!!!
Public Enemies: sigh We've been over this, Land of the Lost. You're not Anchorman. You just have Will Ferrell in you.
Land of the Lost: When in Rome!
Public Enemies: Alright, whatever. Now, Harry Potter, can you-hey, what's that noise?
(The Batmobile screeches up outside, and The Dark Knight enters the room.)
The Dark Knight: Hey everybody! Just thought I'd stop by to see how the season is shaping up. Anyone earn over $500 million at the box office yet? Because I did.
Public Enemies: We're doing fine Dark Knight. You really don't have to keep showing up here.
Wolverine: Yeah! Look at me, I made $85 million opening weekend, and that was with a bunch of crappy reviews!
The Dark Knight: $85 million eh? Not bad. I mean, I made $155 million on my opening weekend, but who's counting? Besides me, that is.
Star Trek: Look, would you just leave us alone? We're trying to figure out our plans for the rest of the season.
The Dark Knight: Whoa, take it easy there, Car Wreck!
Star Trek: It's Star Trek.
The Dark Knight: Scar Check, got it. Anyway, why so hostile just because your audience is made up of mostly virgins? All I'm trying to do is give you guys some tips on how you can have a shot, however small, at being as monumentally successful, both critically and commercially, as I was. Like, one thing you could do is have your actor who plays a soulless psychopathic clown do such an incredible job that he wins a posthumous Oscar for it and helps redefine the character for generations to come. Anyone here in a situation like that?
Funny People: Umm
I've got Adam Sandler. He's kind of like a soulless clown, right?
The Dark Knight: Adam Sandler? Are you serious? Do you really think you can break the midnight box office record-which I did, by the way-with Adam freakin' Sandler?
Public Enemies: Look Dark Knight, we're fine, ok? We really don't need your help, and we've got a lot of work to do, so could you just go?
The Dark Knight: Yeah, I still have a lot of DVDs to sell, so I probably should get going. Just one more thing, Terminator: Salvation? Don't worry about any backlash from the Christian Bale rant. That guy beat up his mom during my opening weekend, and I was still fine. So you should be alright, provided you're as great of a movie as I was. Granted, that's probably not the case, but hey, good luck anyway!
(The Dark Knight exits)
Terminator: Salvation: Jesus, is that guy professional?
Public Enemies: I know, I know, but at least he's gone. Now can we get back to work?
Land of the Lost: Back to work? How about you get back to your home on Whore Island?
damn it, why couldn't I just have been released in the Fall?