Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
Issue One Hundred and Nine
May 19, 2009
No money down. The more you owe us, the better.
Isn't it funny that things that are the least scary, like puppies or little old ladies, are the scariest to see driving cars?
My aunt is so allergic to dogs, her eyes start watering even when I mention her dead dog.
School House Classic Rock: I'm just a Bill. Yes I'm only a Bill. And I'm sitting here on Capital Hill. Well It's a long, long way to the capital city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty. Oh won't you please take me home.
. Either way, no sex is involved.
I usually don't sugar coat things because then I end up eating them.
I only like yoga in the third person, I don't like to do yoga, but I like to do people who do yoga.
I wish I could talk to dogs, for some reason I freeze up whenever I go near one.
I don't really mind descents into madness, considering they're all downhill.
I wonder if anyone's locked their keys in their car outside a Planned Parenthood, and I really wonder if they considered going in and asking if they could borrow someone's coat hanger.
While knowing may be half the battle, the other half is pretty messy involving guns and explosives.
If Phil Collins "has been waiting for this moment all of my life" in 1981, and Phil Collins was born in 1951, is it safe to assume that Phil Collins did not lose his virginity until he was 30?
Today, I won in a race against Seabiscuit. I can't stop talking about it, even though it's like beating a dead horse.
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