It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!
Hey, roomie! Remember that time when I was away visiting my parents and you decided to invite my girlfriend over to our apartment just so you could tell her about the time you caught me sleeping with a girl in your chem class? And about how I got gonorrhea from her. Then you proceeded to try to have "quick rebound" sex with her but she still took me back and refused your pitiful attempts. Yeah, well do you also remember that whole month where you woke up with a mysterious rash? That wasn't from an allergy. Me and my girlfriend had been putting spiders in your pants while you slept for a month. Don't try to steal my girlfriend.
H.K., Arizona St.
I hate it that every time you drink you pass out and piss yourself. You got piss all over our floor. Do you remember that time my friends from home came down and we went to that house party? Of course you don't, you were passed out by 10pm on one of the bedroom floors. I know you're used to smelling like your own piss after a night of partying, but did you detect a different odor that time? The entire night instead of taking pisses in the toilet, me and my friends went into that bedroom and pissed on you. I'd say all 4 of us pissed on you a minimum of 4 times. And you wonder why Randy wouldn't give you a ride home the next morning. Learn to hold your liquor lightweight.
Mike K., University of Illinois
Do you remember when I brought my new girlfriend over so I could cook her dinner and have a quiet romantic evening and you proceeded to come out in one sock, a ripped up mustard stained beater and tighty whities and wouldn't go away. Remember when I came home and you had locked your cat in my room for shitting in the house and she shit and pissed on my bed? Remember when all you and your friends broke the front window of the house with my bong that you threw at it. Oh, and let's not forget you and your friends thought it would be funny to blow stuff up in the microwave, well yes it is funny but not when its my $1000 watch and other assorted expensive items (cuff links money clip, etc totaling over $3500 in items) well I broke your 42" flat screen with a hammer, I axed your iphone and ipod, I also took your bed and your dresser outside and lit them on fire, clothes and sheets still in them. I shaved your cat and I let my big fat friend dump in the microwave which I then put in your room and turned on high for 45 min. Don't be a stoned prick 24/7 and shit won't happen.
Remember that party we had with the bonfire out back behind our house? When we ate all those Garlic Parmesan chicken wings before drinking? I remember seeing you sitting on the back porch, all drunk, getting licked in the face & mouth by your beloved little beagle and giving her mouth-kisses. Little did you know that five minutes before that, while you were inside, I took a huge weed-rip and started choking so bad I threw up all my chicken wings in the yard
which your dog promptly ate up. Did you taste 'em? I was glad to see the dog get a warm meal for once.
Greg Smith, Saint Louis University
Submit yours here!