Hello gentlemen and CHicks! Welcome to the greatest part of your Friday. Won't you join me in examining pictures of Gisele Bundchen in bikinis? (Ladies, pretend to see similarities to your own body. Guys, you're not reading this anymore.) (Egotastic)
Now that you've gotten a taste of the good stuff, let's take a step back and appreciate the more subtle glimpses of boobs and butts the world of celebrity gossip has to offer. Here is Emma Watson's boob (sort of) and Natalie Portman's butt (sort of). I bet you're (sort of) psyched right now. (Egotastic)
That was nice, right? Kind of furtive and delicate? Totally. But thank God that's not all I've got to show you. Here is a little bit more butt courtesy of Ms. Eliza Dusku and that show about Dollhouses that you probably don't watch. Still not the whole butt because, you know, we're in a recession, but butt's butt. (Popoholic)
Also, here are some wet, bathtub boobs courtesy of Mischa Barton. The pictures look like screen caps from a movie, but that can't be right. Who is still casting Mischa Barton in movies? (Egotastic)
I only know two things about this person: she's mostly naked on a table of milkshakes and she has the sluttiest name ever. Peaches Honeyblossom Michelle Charlotte Angel Vanessa Geldof. Yikes. When you name your daughter that, you have to know she's going to end up lying mostly nude on a table covered in milkshakes and not conducting brain surgery. (Celebridiot)
You know who else is stupid? Hayden Panettiere. In a move of exquisite irony, her tattoo that should have said "vivere senza rimpianti" (Italian for "live without regrets") was spelled wrong. No regrets though, right Hayden? (Celebslam)
It's time to get serious now folks. The world is full of terrible things like war and famine and sick chidlren, but nothing NOTHING is as bad as what is going on with Amanda Bynes' face. At least she's still got those hot legs to carry her. (Get it? Her legs are carrying her? You're right; it's not funny because unnecessary ugging is no laughing matter.) (Celebridiot)
Now that you're shocked and depressed, here's something to make you chuckle. 50 Cent and Bette Midler. Just chillin'. What do you think they talk about? Let's imagine it together.
50 Cent: At the end, when you're singing "You Are the Wind Beneath My Wings" and Victoria is looking on from the sides, I just wept and wept.
Bette: It's ok, Curtis 'cause remember, you've got to laugh a little, cry a little
50 Cent: Until the clouds roll by a little
Together: That's the story of, that's the glory of love.
Yep, I'm pretty sure it was just like that. (Celebslam)
In Woe-is-me news, Michael Vick is out of prison and will spend the next two months on house arrest in his mansion. Ah the strong arm of the law, just swinging down to pat rich people on the back. (Ninjadude)
Someone else who's jumping in on this pity party is Jessica Biel. It's just really really hard to be young and hot. Ugh. People won't offer her serious roles because she's just sooo beautiful and that's obviously the only reason people don't think she's a serious actress. Two words, Jessica: 7th Heaven. (Celebslam)
Another celebrity who is suffering deeply is Kim Kardashian. Her store was maliciously vandalized and she's really upset about it. I think you can all join me in saying, "Kim Kardashian has a store?" What is she famous for doing again? Oh, that's right, Ray J. (DerekHail)
This week's very special Still Got It goes to Sean Penn because this week "It" means Robin Wright Penn. Spicoli and Princess Buttercup have cancelled their divorce proceedings for the third time in as many years. Nothing says "Twu Wuv" like deciding to stick it out till the next allegations of infidelity! (WWTDD)