Happy almost June, fellow Interneters! Hope your Memorial Day was full of cheeseburgers and awkward family encounters, just the way Lyndon B. Johnson intended.
Now let's get to work!
It's officially summertime, and that means two things; fat people are sweating, and bikinis. Luckily for you, I only have pictures of the latter. You can thank Cameron Diaz. (Egotastic)
This week Mel Gibson went on Jay Leno to confirm that his mistress is pregnant with his eighth child. He isn't sure who they are going to name the child after, however, since they're out of dwarves. (Derekhail)
Additionally, it's been reported that upon the birth of the child, Mel's mistress will receive $10 million dollars. I can only assume it's some sort of 'apology tax' for the fact that Mel will be 71 when the kid graduates high school. (Celebslam)
This week, Woman's Health did an incredible photoshoot with my #2 girl crush Evangeline Lilly (#1 being Kate Beckinsale, duh). Woman's Health, who knew!? Your mom knew, is who. And not in the tired joke way. (Popoholic)
Well, Great Britain rules. This week, not only did the new Miss Great Britain pose in a bikini, but the previous Miss Great Britain got into a drunken bar fight and ended up in the hospital. God Save the Queen(s)! (Popoholic, Celebslam)
Not to be outdone by the Brits, French actress Charlotte Gainsbourg was in St. Barts this week and straight-up changed her bathing suit on the beach. I can't say I'm too surprised by that one. Swimming Pool was a documentary, right? (Egotastic)
Also rocking a tiny bikini this week was Britney Spears, who decided to accessorize with a rosary? No I mean, I'm sure the Blessed Virgin Mary is totally cool with that. Better make it 20 Hail Marys, though. Because of the resting on bare boobs part. (WWTDD)
Candy Spelling told some radio show this week that Tori's refusal to talk the family is what killed her husband, Aaron Spelling. Really Aaron? I would think never hearing Tori's voice again would be incentive to live even longer. (WWTDD)
Do you ever feel like famous people just sit around and dream up ridiculous things to say to stay relevant? Well that's how I feel about this weird flirtation between Jamie Foxx and Kirstie Alley. So I guess good job you two. You each get one more month. (WWTDD)
This week news broke that Katherine Heigl was passed for a role when she wanted $3 million for two weeks of work. OH COME ON. Half of the country is giving baggies of air as presents and you're pulling this business? FOR SHAME. (Celebslam)
A painting of Madonna is up for auction this week, and upon seeing it I've figured out this whole Madonna-is-old-but-sorta-looks-young-and-is-just-generally-and-inexplicably-creepy thing. She's Dorian Gray. (IDLYITW)
Hollywood was a veritable MILF Island this week, with hot photos from both Cindy Crawford and Elizabeth Hurley. Bring on the MILFs! Oh, oh, not you Pam Anderson. You stay there. (Hollywood Tuna)
And finally, this week's Still Got It. If I could give this award to an object, this week I would shame both Fergie's sunglasses and Brooke Hogan's new Jersey spray-art album cover into oblivion. But alas, they are inanimate. So I guess I'll go with Paris Hilton and her boyfriend Doug Something, who at Cannes this week were so inappropriate that they even got kicked out of a yacht party for varsity spooning in the cabin. Congrats, you two. You're disgusting. (IDLYITW, Derekhail)