A Man's Guide to Pitching a Tent


Step 1: start drinking alcohol

It is well known throughout history that any time something is built it is the direct result of alcohol consumption. Prime examples include Stonehenge and Atlantis because only drunk people would build a city under water or stack rocks in the middle of nowhere as a prank to the entire world. While building a tent you are required to at least consume a 6 pack of beer and if you are able to consume more it just means that the hair on your chest is able to support a complex ecosystem. If not then upon your death your tombstone will read," Here lies a Fag".


Steps 2: Bring a friend you can easy manipulate

Every real man is required to have at least one friend that doesn't really fit in and can be controlled like a dumb puppy at moment's notice. You will keep him around just to run errands or to humiliate if there is a pause in the conversation. He can also be used as a stunt double if your girlfriend wants to talk about her feelings after you have pleasured her multiple times like some sort of drugged up race horse. But make sure he hides under the covers because every real man knows that women much like cats are able to see in the dark.


Step 3: Order your friend to start building the tent

After you have consumed a couple beers and talked about how the tent will be constructed, it is time for you to order your friend to start working. I simple, "Hey fag maybe if you build this tent your father will finally tell you he loves you" should work fine. Now you can sit back have some more beers and tell him he is doing it wrong because of his learning disability but remember it is very important not to provide any assistance.


Step 4: Throw a rock at your friend

After a couple of minutes of work your friend will begin to think he is part of the group, well liked, and very useful. This thought is more ridiculous then one piece bathing suits. Throw a rock at your friend to remind him that he is useless and hated by his peer group


Step 5: Take off shirt, attracting drones of women to finish the tent

After a couple more minutes of work your friend will likely screw up the tent. This is expected for he is like the mole on your ass. He is always around, good for a couple of laughs but all and all the world would be a better place without him. So you must finally spring into action. Take off your shirt to reveal rock hard abs that are not the result of strenuous workouts but from beer, steaks and a sauna belt you bought from an infomercial because you were drunk. This display of manliness will cause women to flock to your side much like sharks swarm at the sight of blood. Once you have a faithful army of women you should order them to get to work. Now you have plenty of time to have more beers and throw more rocks.


Steps 6: Destroy the tent

Once they have finished the tent you will declare that it is a piece of shit since you had no part in its construction. You will immediately destroy the tent reminding your friend that his father still does not love him and showing the women that since the tent was built by female hands  it is inferior and weak. This violent display of manliness will make the women extremely horny and they will all want to mate with you immediately.


Steps 7: Steal RV

Once you have destroyed the tent you will soon realize no tent will ever be good enough for you. So you will walk the entire campsite until you find a very expensive RV. Then you will steal it. The owner may put up a fight but he will be no match for your faithful army of beautiful women. You will drive the RV to the top of a mountain and make love to the beautiful women until the sun rises.


Step 8: The end

At sun up, you will push the RV full of women off the mountain. This will once again display your manliness and get rid of valuable evidence and possible narks. On the walk back to the car you will capture a bear and train it to get you beers. If you have every built a tent without following these steps above it means that at birth your penis was replaced with a baby rattle.