Head of Committee: Alright, lets get this thing started. This is the hearing to induct Beer Pong, or Beirut, into the Olympic games. Lets keep this short, we all have important Olympic stuff to do, after all, we are running out of time. We only have two years before the next games. The chair recognizes the spokesperson from The World Series of Beer Pong collective.
WSBP Rep: Thank you. It is my point to prove to you today that beer pong is not only a game in which skill, discipline, and experience are key, but also to prove that it is a game which is played on a massive scale and, in fact, is an athletic endeavor.
Committee Member: That is ridiculous. Sure, the game may require skill, but we will not hear absurdities about the athletic nature of this game!
WSBP Rep: I thought you may react this way. I have here a list of bodily effects from large athletic performance. Lets run down the list:
- Long performances cause the sensation of overheating, sweating, and potentially clumsiness
- Athletes and performance artists often report a loss of memory in which the performance in question becomes a quick blur or is lost altogether in memory
- Amateurs attempting to perform at the professional level will often experience nausea, fatigue, embarrassment, may pass out or even die
- The consumption of liquids is key to success in athletic performance
- Engagement in these activities creates a sensation of Euphoria, happiness, and a general "runner's high"
WSBP Rep: Oh, nothing. Except these are all true of playing beer pong, as well.
A gasp runs through the committee
Head of Committee: I never saw it this way before.
Head of Committee: While those are impressive numbers, why should this sport be allowed in when so many others have been rejected? There are plenty of games which meet the qualifications you've described which wait for years before being accepted, some of which still wait.
WSBP Rep: Did I mention that beer pong games often lead to breast exposure and, under some rule sets, naked running? When's the last time you saw that from chess?
Head of Committee: I've heard everything I need to. I think we're all agreed that beer pong deserves to be an Olympic game, televised to every home every two years as a summer AND winter event!
Celebration erupts in the room
WSBP Rep: Fantastic. Although, I feel compelled to warn that sometimes male nudity is displayed as well
Head of Committee: You neglected to mention this fact. The Olympic Committee will have to draft official rules prohibiting male exposure before we can finalize the acceptance, but this should be done before the next games.
WSBP Rep: We completely understand it's probably for the best.
Head of Committee: Damn straight.