The Temptation Of Christ In The Desert

After he had been baptized, Jesus went to the desert to fast. After several days he was met by Satan, who had come from the depths of Hell to tempt him. "Jesus, I ask of you, if you truly are the Son of God, then you must know this universal truth: If one's hand is larger than one's face, then he is soon to be the victim of the most abhorrent form of leprosy known to man, where the most painful boils and sores cover his skin, and he is unable to as much as move due to the blinding pain." Jesus considered this for a moment. This did sound like a terrible disease, and he worried he may soon carry it. But he quickly realized the trick the Devil was playing, and he kept his hands to himself, for he knew that the second he placed his famished hands to his face, he would be met with a hearty push to the temple. "I do know this, and will check at a later date."

"You have not been fooled, I congratulate you." But Satan was not deterred. "My motives are pure, I assure you. I have come only to spread the most glorious of news. I must share it immediately, for I cannot contain my excitement. So I simply ask of you Jesus… guess what?" Jesus pondered the inquisition. Deep inside he wanted to know of this glorious news that Satan claimed to hold. He was indeed tempted to ask, "what?", but resisted, for the Son of God knew that if he were to ask what, he would be forever stuck with it. Instead, he replied, "Yeah?", to which the Devil screamed in disappointment,"You're supposed to say 'what'", to which Christ replied, "It is now you who is stuck with it."

Satan knew he had been fooled, and so he took Jesus to a high pinnacle located far above the holy city. "Look below, this can all be yours. All I have is one simple request." Satan took out a scroll. On it was a list, 10 Reasons Why A Harlot Is Like A Tax Collector. Jesus read it and found it amusing. Satan, noticing the delight in Christ's reaction, sensed his opportunity. "You shall be the ruler of the world and all that inhabit it. All you must do for me is reprint this text onto a similarly sized scroll, and send it to 10 of your brethren." Jesus pondered this request. "I have neither the time nor the patience to do such a thing." Satan's attempts to tempt the Prince of Peace had now thrice been thwarted.

Then Satan, in a final effort to persuade Jesus, led him to the final location, which was on top of the highest of mountains. Satan was quick in his effort to tempt Jesus, and he tried to catch him off guard. Below his mid-section, he clasped together his pointer finger and thumb as to form a circle. His other three fingers, blood red with nails like knives, stood straight up and out. "Hey Jesus", exclaimed Satan, but Christ stared intently into his eyes, and his face did not waver in any direction. Satan then looked downward himself, as a way of coaxing Jesus into looking at his hand. But when Satan looked down, what he saw were Christs own hand shaped in the same fashion. Satan knew he had been fooled, and let out a cry. He cursed Jesus' name and vanished into thin air, back to Hell. Then, seraphim from Heaven brought nourishment to Jesus, as he had passed the test.