Just another boring week in L.A.  Katy Perry is weird, Angelina Jolie is rich, David Carradine was potentially murdered by a secret sect of kung fu assassins.  Ugh.  Doesn't anything ever happen in this town? (HT, IDLYITW, WWTDD)

BEHIND YOU!  (kidding)

This week, Shia LaBeouf told Parade Magazine that his sense of humor came from seeing his parents having sex.  In Shia's defense, his parents always have sex in fast motion to the Benny Hill theme song. (DListed)

Cher's daughter Chastity Bono announced this week that she will be undergoing a sex change operation to become Chaz Bono.  At least she's staying true to her heritage of having a terrible name. (WWTDD)

Bar Rafaeli and Leonardo DiCaprio broke up this week, giving hope to horny men and my grandmother everywhere. (Celebslam)

This week at the Tony Awards, Poison frontman Bret Michaels was clotheslined by a piece of scenery (video) that seriously messed up his face.  It just goes to show, you never- wait, why was Poison at the Tony's? (IDLYITW, Celebslam)

It must be cold in L.A., because awkwardly hard nips are this week's must-have accessory.  Everyone is wearing them, from Posh Beckham to Charlize Theron to Heather Graham.  They're the No Fear of boobs. (HT, Popoholic)

This week, Kelly Brook and porn star Riley Steele shot a bikini fight scene for the inevitably Oscar-winning film Piranha 3D.  And when you have the glasses on, Riley's boob accidentally falling out practically hits you in the face! (IDLYITW, Egotastic)

Cleave of the week!  Sometimes I forget how enormous Jessica Simpson's boobs are, and then pictures like these come along.  You've done well, George Eastman. (HT)

This week Jessica Alba plastered posters of sharks all over Oklahoma City., marking the first cool thing she has ever done. (Celebslam)

Remember when Britney was pretty crazy for a while there?  Well now there are topless pictures from the 'Gimme More' shoot.  WARNING: you may get a contact high just by looking at these. (Egotastic)

Well, it looks like Madonna will be adopting that girl from Malawi after all.  Considering Malawi is very poor and Madonna is very rich, I'm assuming I know how this happened.  She blew the president. (WWTDD)

This week's Still Got It pitted a worse-for-wear Lindsay Lohan against a cracked-out Kristen Stewart, but in the end who can compete with Phil Spector's wig-less mug shot.  He looks like a turtle without his shell.  You know, if that turtle allegedly murdered someone and was sentenced to 19 years to life. (WWTDD, DListed)

And that's our show!