"Hey fellas, check out the chick on those tits!" "Tommy? Max? Johan
Guys?! Oh Shit." That's right, you are now the Sketchy Alone Dude at the bar. You viciously elbowed your way through the crowd and finally managed to use your charm (money) to catch the attention of the educated (hot) Bartendress, only to turn around and realize you are now indeed friendless. Fear not, Lone Ranger, for we've all been there. Whether you have accidentally split from you're posse, or have courageously shown up at the bar alone, here are a few tips that will guarantee you safety from becoming the Sketchy Alone Dude, and allow you to remain the Just Another Face Guy.
The easiest and most earnest way of looking like you are intentionally flying solo does depend on the environment. If you are in a sports bar, with plenty of games playing, eureka! Or perhaps you're at a pub, complete with a live band? Even better. For the first scenario, just plant your sport-fanatic (socially-awkward) ass in front of one of the flat screens and cheer along aimlessly. Just be sure that you are rooting for a team that is actually playing. As for the pub with the live band, guess what? You've just become their number one fan! Regardless of whether or not you're wearing your "I Heart Unoriginal Sublime Tribute Band" t-shirt or not, the guy in front of the band screaming incoherently isn't Sketchy, he's Die Hard.
If your atmosphere does not permit, do not fret, there are other alternatives. How about searching for your soul mate, Sketchy Alone Chick? Confused and liquored-up, just the way God intended her to be. Unfortunately, there are possible set backs. If she has in fact come to the bar alone (desperate), and is not a man-hating bull dyke, then the work is practically done for you. Although, if she's a sorority bird who has strayed from the flock, you could be in some serious trouble. If she begins to drone on about how cute her cat (cats) is (are), or how it's more sanitary to wipe off the beer pong ball on your shirt than it is to dip it in the rinse cup, ABORT!
You're third and final option, double-fist. This may have already been your "go to" move, if so, good for you! When there is nobody else to talk to, and nothing left worth staring at, try looking straight down into an empty bottle that you have just finished chugging. The best part, there is no negative (positive) aspect to this solution! About 30 minutes into Plan C and girls will think you're super cute (pathetically drunk), the Bartendress will think you're a ballin' pimp (penniless gimp), and the Bouncer will be the first one to give you a pat on the back (pick you up by your neck and toss you out on your ass). As for Tommy, Max, and Johan, well they can go fuck themselves.