Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
Prepare For Your Icy Demise
January 23, 2007
What's up turd mouth? How would like a barrage of balls hitting you right in the face? I'm talking about worst kind of balls there are: Snow Balls. I got up at 6AM today to make this snow fort, I spent five hours on it. And it is finally complete. Behold the bastion of pain!
First I built a mound of compacted snow four feet high into a circle- making it immune to attacks on all sides- then I sprayed the whole thing with water from my hose, making it rock solid. After that I made a tunnel, ten feet long leading into the snow fort. Eye slots were dug out of the wall every 12 inches to allow me to guard against intruders. I've also covered the ten foot perimeter of the snow fort with the sharpest pine cones I could find. Just try getting in, nut lover!
Inside my snow fort I have a million snow balls. Each snow ball is hand crafted by me in a very specific manner. To begin, I roll a small snow ball. Then, I mix it with dirt and gravel from a hole I dug inside the fort. Next, I add another layer of snow, using yellow snow that I peed on earlier. Finally, I dip it in a bucket of water, turning it to solid ice. How do you like that, weiner grabber?
So let the battle begin! The only rule is, there are no rules. Prepare to taste pure evil!
And by the way, my parents aren't divorced. My dad just moved out because he has too much awesome stuff that couldn't fit in the house. My mom says it's rude to make fun of people for things like this, so you really should just keep your mind on the ice rockets I'll be hurling at your queefy mouth, grundle queen!
I can throw one snow ball every second, and my aim is dead on. I live for snow days.
So what's up, butt licker? You wanna have a snowball war? Please, come on. No one else will play. I'll let you win, just come on.
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.