Sober Body: Okay, okay Jeff play it cool. We're meeting her parents for the first time so just try and relax.
Drunk Brain: Oh man, yo are we 'bout to chow down in Chinatown. I'm starvin' Marvin.
Sober Body: Jesus are you drunk?!? We can NOT mess this up.
Drunk Brain: Just livin la vida loca ese. Ricky Martone style.
Body: How did that happen? I only had a quarter flute of chardonnay to loosen up.
Brain: HAH! Try jungle juice bro. That wasn't red Gatorade you chugged after your run.
Body: Gosh darnit this is an important moment! And you DRUGGED me!
Brain: I drugged us. So we could have some fun, man.
Body: Well you should be arrested. That's a crime.
Brain: No crime in having a little fun.
Body: Well, just be on your best behavior. No tomfoolery. Am I mean it mister. Shh, shh they're here. Be quiet.
(Hello Mr. and Mrs. Robertson. Nice to meet you. Your daughter's a real schweetits)
Body: No no no no no no no. What're you doing?!?
Brain: Just goofing, man. They didn't hear it.
Body: Only because you slurred the tongue at the last second. Now they think we're drunk.
Brain: Yo, I'm nice right now. Let's order shots. SHOTS! Shots on my boy bod!
Body: We will do no such thing. Now simmer down now why don't you. We're trying to make a good first impression.
(Well, mother is a nurse and father is an attorney and this summer I'm…)
Brain: Mrs. R has a rack and a half. I'd like to nibble on those nipples. Nibble. Nipple. Nipple on her nibble.
Body: Get yourself together! If you ever want to close the deal with the girlfriend you'd better help me make a good impression.
Brain: I could make a HUGE impression. Right on my seat.
Body: Pardon?
Brain: Oh MAN! If we farted right now, how funny would that be?
Body: It wouldn't be very funny at all.
Brain: I'm gonna tell stomach to send some gas out.
Body: DON'T! I ate tacos with pinto beans for lunch. It would seriously clear house, man.
Brain: Yeah it would! It'd give that prick Mr. Robertson something to actually look disgusted about.
Body: If we need to go we'll excuse ourselves for a bathroom break.
Brain: You get us up and I'll shit our pants I swear to God I'LL SHIT OUR PANTS!
Body: You truly are a vile creature when intoxicated.
Brain: Just tryin' to get you loosey goosey. Get crazy! Wazzzzzzzzzzuppppp!!! Hah rememeber that commercial?
Body: Would you just finish your water and sober up already.
Brain: Gladly!
Body: Well thank you. It's about time you showed a little civi —
Brain: BUT I'll HAVE YOU KNOW while you were busy yapping about your "summer job teaching English to inner city kids" I took it upon myself to continue Da Partay! Da Partay! La FIESTA! You gotta give me dabs on my sweet sleight of hand.
Body: Oh Lord what did you do.
Brain: Shhh, SHHH. It's kicking in…
Body: What? The Excedrin?
Brain: NOPE LOL! The Xtasy!