Mr. Perfect

Hey, what's up? God, I can't believe I'm actually meeting you.  This is blowing my mind right now.  Are you as freaked out as I am?

Uh, yeah I…

Ok, good.  I don't want you to think I'm some sort of crazy person, cause I'm not.  I swear.  Why are you looking at me like that? What have you heard?  It's not true.

Nothing, I …

Wow, that's a load off.  I mean, it wasn't my fault for what happened at my last school.  Some people just don't appreciate what it means to be a fan of someone's work, you know?  Ok, well maybe I DID come off a little strong, but I was just excited, you know? I didn't mean to shake his hand so hard.  Besides, what kind of pussy can't take a nice, firm handshake?

Uhh, I don't kn….

EXACTLY!  Wow, I mean, it's like we're the same person, you know?  I mean, I read ALL of your posts, updates, comments, EVERYTHING.  Your picture haunts my dreams.  Oh, did you want to take your coat off?

No, I'm good. Actually I gotta get…

Are you cold? I can turn the heat up.  Do you like it hot?  I like it really hot.  I mean, really hot.  You know, I felt this connection between us ever since your first comment.   I just knew I had to meet you.

Wow.. umm… I think I should…

You do like older women?

I never really..

Well I like younger men.   I especially like you.  You wanna come back to my house?  I made you something, and my mother is really looking forward to meeting you.  She's heard so much about you.  She's practically my best friend.

*phone beeps*         I have to go.  I just got a text message from my roommate.  My cat swallowed a live bird or something. It was … nice… meeting you.

I want to be on you.