This will be on the test.

Urinals are just God's way of telling us our khakis didn't have enough pee on them.
-Willie O
I locked up my bicycle and someone stole my front tire and my seat. I'm on the lookout for anyone riding a unicycle.
-Shawn Pearlman
I taught my dog to sit, lay down, roll over and bark — all at random times of his choosing.
-Chris Robinson
The Hardest Question To Answer, For Two Reasons
Colorblind Toddler: Mommy, why is the sky green?
-Sarah Schneider
Is it still called jock itch if it developed from the ball sweat during my 5-hour chess game?
-Joe Boreman
I buy oregano from drug dealers in the hopes that they accidentally give me weed.
-Mesh D
I like to hit on older women with lots of tattoos. If I can't find any, I'll just have a few drinks and settle for varicose veins.
-Adam Newman
I don't want her back. I just want her front.
-David X
They say that there's no use beating a dead horse. So, are they implying that it's efficient to beat a horse as long as it's alive?
-Mike Cence
Is it me, or do crickets have really shitty taste in comedy?
-Conor McKeon
My friends are all retards. "Gullible" IS in the dictionary!
-The NTC
In my eyes, my girlfriend is a queen: old and controlling.
-Patrick Cassels