Studies show that you always find what you're looking for in the last place you look. This is sure to change the way we look for things. -Sean Conderman

I told my sister the second hand on her watch was gone, and she said that her watch needed a first hand before it could have a second and walked away laughing. That night I slashed her tires for being so insubordinate. -Ben Kessler

Learning to ride a bike is like a woman’s cleavage….Sorry, I got distracted by the idea of biking. -Ben Kessler

Missing The Point

You know why December 21st, 2012 is going to suck? After that I won’t be able to what day of the week January 5th is on my Mayan calendar. -Ben Kessler

Similes are the worst thing ever. They're like a rhinoceros with too much toothpaste. And they never make any sense! -Jordan Pryor

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