A special Police task force in downtown Canada has decoded Beyonce's new hit single, "Ego" and uncovered a decade old mystery that had many baffled and perplexed. "I'd first like to thank everyone who believed in this special task force, all those long sleepless hours of watching BET events, Grammy's, MTV music video awards, and TMZ have finally paid off, we did Martha… we did it" said Constable Doug Brown as he pointed to the heavens where Brown's wife, and former partner is supposedly stationed after blowing her brains out in trying to crack the case.

 "I remember how it all started too, I was watching the BET awards with my lil girl… the camera panned to Beyonce, she was looking fine as hell, had her breasts all parted and that butt a hers? Had all the fixin's. And my baby girl said, "Daddy, who is the beautiful princess going out wif?" I told her it was Jay-Ze and pointed to him on the screen "you mean dat gorilla wif da glasses daddy?" and I nodded… (heartfelt pause) I nodded… "I don't undastand daddy" and… (heartfelt pause) I didn't either… I love you baby…." said Brown as he began to cry pointing to his now 16 year old daughter, Candice.

 The task force lead by Brown reportedly handed in 1 sheet of paper, on it were the lyrics to Beyonce's new song. This stanza was highlighted…

 "Its too big
Its too wide
Its too strong
It wont fit
Its too much
Its too tough
He talks like this
Cuz he can back it up
He got a big ego
Such a huge ego
I love his big ego
Its too much
He walks like this
Cuz he can back it up"

 At the bottom of the page in Brown's writing, next to a dried up tear dot… was the sentence, "Ego=dick, Jay-Z has a big dick".


 "It all makes sense now" said Jury member Don Jurma, "it's a great day in social justice, one of the greatest mysteries ever has been solved… but at the same time… I feel saddened… because no longer can guys like me ever land a hot mama like Beyonce without having a big dick."

 Jay-Z had been cited as saying, "Only rapper to rewrite history without a pen" to which a bystander yelled, "yeah cause you just dipped your dick in ink".

 Mystery Solved.