Ever have a sh*tty job that you wanted to complain about in a weekly submission-based column named after Blink-182 lyrics? Send your submissions to worksuxiknow[at]gmail.com!

We once had a non-english speaking man try to start a cell phone account with a questionable-looking drivers license that stated his name as "Bacon Cheddar".
-Lauren, Purdue

I am a nurse in a labor and delivery unit. One day we got a women in via ambulance. She had been in court for her arraignment when her water broke. After spending several minutes trying to (unsuccessfully) find a fetal heart rate, I had a doctor come in to do an ultrasound. She wasn't pregnant. She just peed her pants to get out of court.

I work for a catering company and I'll be routinely asked if my name is the text that's embroidered on the vest.  The text ends with the word "Catering."
-Ross, Drexel University

I graduated college 2 years ago with a double major in spanish/international relations. 3.7 gpa. I work in a Mexican restaurant.

At my server job we had to pick up all the candles at the end of the night from wedding receptions. One night a drunk guy called me a "crazy bitch" because I wouldn't let him blow them all out like birthday candles. Pretty sure he would have breathed fire he was so intoxicated.
-Rainey, UNO

Once, while accepting payment in coins for a medium sized coffee while working at a gas station, I was handed a pubic hair directly from the inner pocket.
-J.C., University of California

At work I have found a bag of cocaine, a vial of crack, two hatchets, several mangled coat hangers in back alleys, warped spoons with white powder residue on them, more used condoms and needles then I care to know including a box of roughly twenty used needles, and I have seen a day hooker shoot up with heroine on a sidewalk, and all I do at my job is cut the grass on peoples lawns.
-Dave, University of Regina.

I work at petsmart and one time got a phone call from some one who wanted to know if fish could get pregnant.
-Leah, Texas Tech

So I worked as a CNA in Highschool and College to make extra money.  While I was doing my Practical in a Nursing home the lady I was taking care rang me to help her go to the bathroom.  I helped her on the toilet and then told her to ring me again when she needed help to get up.  She rang and I went to help she stood up and said "O shit" fell back on the toilet and died there.  Needless to say work was interesting.


Co-edited by Talia Pollock.