Lyoto Machida as Ryu


Why?
Lyoto is Japanese, the son of a Shotokan karate master and started training at the age of 3 (probably in some mountain temple somehere). He has never lost a single round. And if all that wasn't enough his nickname is "The Dragon" and we all know Ryu's favorite saying: "You must defeat my Dragon Punch to stand a chance!"

Tito Ortiz as Ken

Why?
They're both fake blondes and all around California dudes. One of the flashiest personalities in the UFC, Tito "The Huntington Beach Bad Boy" Ortiz (no I'm not joking) got whipped by Lyoto Machida and quit the UFC to pursue celebritydom, eventually marrying pornstar Jenna Jameson. Duuude!

Clay Guida as Blanka

Why?
Both are animals for starters. Clay Guida is an electric fighter known to fly into the fray in order to bite his opponent's head off. Plus, they both sport beastly hairdos, 'nuff said.

Brock Lesnar as Zangief

Why?
Because they both rely on their sheer size and overpowering strength to crush their opponents into submission. And as a former WWE Superstar Lesnar can probably pull off the 360 Piledriver (if not for this stupid SNES controller).

Quinton Jackson as Balrog

Why?
They're both big, they're both bad, they're both black. Quinton "Rampage" Jackon would be just as happy throwing down outside Ceasar's Palace on the street … in front of a cheering crowd … and two chicks in bikinis … pulling doves out their hats.

Diego Sanchez as Vega

Why?
They're both pretty boy Spaniards who enjoy high flying, in-your-face attack styles. And as vain as Vega was, would he have had the playa skills to knock up one of the UFC octagon girls after his fight? Diego "The Nightmare" Sanchez did muchacho.

Gina Carano as Chung Li

Why?
Because I want to have sex with both of them.

Bruce Buffer as M. Bison

Why?
They're both impeccably dressed and c'mon, you sort of knew Dana White was too much of a dipshit to be behind this whole UFC thing.