Budweiser, Miller, or Coors
Guys: They don't have kegs at this bar? What kind of low-brow place is this?
Guys buying it for girls: I don't celebrate anniversaries, I don't care about your friends, and as soon as you expect commitment, I will drop you. May as well get used to it.
Girls: Does drinking cheap beer make me look sexy and tomboyish?

Sam Adams, Honey Brown, or Pete's Wicked
Guys: I bet this beer tastes good because it costs more.
Guys buying it for girls: Work study? Hah! That's for suckers. I've got a swanky internship paying me $10 an hour!
Girls: Drinking cheap beer makes me look too tomboyish. Does drinking expensive beer make me look sexy?

Guinness
Guys: I don't intend to get drunk tonight. Thankfully, this beer takes a half hour to finish.
Guys buying it for girls: I don't want you to leave this bar for the next half hour.
Girls: I hope I'm not hung over during rugby tomorrow.

Natural Ice, Old Milwaukee, or Pabst Blue Ribbon
Guys: Hey, can I borrow a dollar?
Guys buying it for girls: If you think that's impressive, you should see the generic brand cereal we'll be eating tomorrow morning.
Girls: Man, that sex change was expensive.

Long Island Iced Tea
Guys: I'm not drunk enough yet to be charming. One of these should do it.
Guys buying it for girls: I don't think this girl is drunk enough yet to think I'm charming. One of these should do it.
Girls: I'm really easy, but I don't want to admit it. None of these guys are charming, but now I can blame it on the alcohol when I sleep with them.

Shot of Tequila
Guys: Hey, is someone stealing my tiny, very expensive red sports car?
Guys buying it for girls: I figure either we'll hook up or you'll pass out on my floor. Maybe a little of both.
Girls: Does anyone know where I put my birth control pills?

Sex on the Beach
Guys: That midori sour was a little weak.
Guys buying it for girls: See, it's got sex in the name. Get it? Like, it's just the name of a drink, but it says "sex". Understand?
Girls: Hey, the color of this drink matches my tube top!

Water
Guys: I better sober up so I don't pass out before I hook up with this girl.
Guys buying it for girls: I better get this girl sobered up so she doesn't pass out before we hook up.
Girls: I better sober up so I don't hook up with the guy who bought me all those drinks.