Officer Big Mac,
After meeting with my attorney last night following my most recent arrest, I feel that it would be in the interest of justice that you allow me to retake my mug shot.
If you recall yesterday when you found me in the Hamburger Patch with that bag of burgers that I totally just found there and was on my way to try to find the rightful owner, I was wearing my favourite Halloween costume: Zorro as a Prisoner. I am a little concerned that a photograph of me wearing an old timey prison outfit with a matching bandit mask will give the jury the wrong idea about me and my innocence.
Also, I must stress, the tie I was wearing in the photo was not mine. It was lent to me by my well-meaning attorney in an attempt to make me look more presentable. I'm worried that his poor choice of tie will make me look like some burger- junkie with high cholesterol and arteries so backed up they could stop traffic on a freeway.
All that I am asking of you is that you give me another chance at a proper mug shot; one in which I'm wearing a normal shirt and a classic tie with maybe one or two small burgers on them, no cheese. This doesn't need to be a big deal, I just would like to jury to see me as a reasonable person who happens to enjoy the occasional hamburger and doesn't need to sneak into a Hamburger Patch at four in the morning in order to get his fix because the all night drive thru won't give its best customer a couple on the house.
Your granting my request will give the McDonald Land Police Department some much needed good press, after last year's corruption allegations that left a bad taste in everyone's mouth and a sick feeling in their stomachs.
Thank you for your co-operation and I hope to hear from you soon. I'll be right where you left me, in my cell, unable to make bail, because this backwards country doesn't accept hamburgers as currency.
P.S. While I am not prepared to admit guilt, if you will consider granting me some leniency in my case, I may or may not have valuable information on the Grimace murder.