Truman: Was nothing real?
Director: You were real.
Truman: Did you guys have cameras everywhere?
Truman: Even by my computer in the basement?
Truman: So everyone
everyone's seen me masturbate?
Director: Those were some of our highest rated episodes, Truman.
Truman: And my wife? She's just an actress?
Truman: I had sex with her. Does that make her a prostitute?
Truman: That time when I was 8
Director: Episode #2868: Truman Grabs Poo Out of the Toilet to See What it Feels Like.
Truman: Wow. Not cool.
Director: Not at all.
Truman: I think I'm gonna go ahead and stay out of the real world.
Director: Yeah, we've all seen you do some pretty sick stuff.
Director: And if you could masturbate more that'd be fantastic. We've been getting KILLED by "Two and a Half Men."