Truman: Was nothing real?

Director: You were real.

Truman:
Did you guys have cameras everywhere?

Director: Yes.

Truman: Even by my computer in the basement?

Director: Everywhere.

Truman:
So everyone…everyone's seen me masturbate?

Director:
Those were some of our highest rated episodes, Truman.

Truman: And my wife? She's just an actress?

Director: Correct.

Truman: I had sex with her. Does that make her a prostitute?

Director:
Kinda.

Truman:
That time when I was 8…

Director:
Episode #2868: Truman Grabs Poo Out of the Toilet to See What it Feels Like.

Truman: Wow. Not cool.

Director: Not at all.

Truman: I think I'm gonna go ahead and stay out of the real world.

Director: Yeah, we've all seen you do some pretty sick stuff.

Truman:
…..

Director: And if you could masturbate more that'd be fantastic. We've been getting KILLED by "Two and a Half Men."