It's cool. We were invited.

Every walk is a "Walk of Shame" if you're fat enough.
-Mike Cence
Two words that can get you fired the quickest in a Sports Illustrated for Kids pitch meeting
Swimsuit Issue
-Adam Newman
I don't understand why people choose their candles so carefully. They all taste the same to me.
-Brian Mates
My mom brought home a step-ladder yesterday. It's so weird not having my real ladder around anymore.
-Ryan Manning
If every cigarette I smoke takes minutes off my life, I should start getting up earlier.
-Michael Lewis
Virginity
The ultimate out of body experience.
-Conor McKeon
Non-rhetorical Gameshow Title
By watching "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?" aren't you already answering their question?
-Andrew Gross
I love theme parties. My favorite? Cowboys and Prostitutes.
-Dylan Byars
I used to think I was really into the Civil War, turns out I'm just really into moustaches.
-Tim LaMay
If masturbating is a crime, then put me away for life. WaitÂ… it isn't a crime? Oh. Then put me in the Guinness Book of World Records probably.
-Mike Cence
If a person with amnesia wrote a memoir, would it be put in the "Fiction" section?
-Mike Cence
YMCA
YMCA stands for "Young Men's Christian Association," which I think is a really flawed title for that place: You don't need to be young to go there, you don't need to be a man to go there, and if you're not Christian who cares about you in the first place?
-Patrick Cassels
I was dating a girl for 3 months. She never knew I drank until one night I came home sober.
-Jerry G.
If you get head from a blow up doll, do they call it infellatio?
-Mike Hartsock
I like to scare deaf people by yawning.
-Ryan Manning
I got a fortune cookie at this Irish pub and it said, "this is weird."
-Jake Simon