Danny Tanner: Hey there Bobby!
Bob Saget: Shut up faggot.
Danny: Now there's no need for that Bob, apologize.
Bob: Suck a nut.
Danny: There really is no getting through to you.
Bob: You piss me off Tanner.
Danny: Why? Let's talk about it.
Bob: You made me look like a sissy.
Danny: If raising three lovely daughters makes me a sissy, then darnit I'm a sissy.
Bob: (groans) I don't see how you ever had a wife, pussbot.
Danny: It was love.
Bob: Is that why she left you?
Danny: She died.
Bob: I killed her.
Danny: Now that's uncalled for Bob.
Bob: So is this! (pulls out his testicles and starts spinning them)
Bob: I remember one time you were about to hook up with some hot piece of ass in her apartment, but ended up cleaning the place instead.
Bob: So that's so gay. I would've been on that like fat on D.J.
Danny: Beauty is on the inside Bob.
Bob: So you agree, she's fat?
Danny: I didn't say that!
Bob: You should've banged Rebecca when you had the chance.
Danny: That's Jesse's girl.
Danny: You're awful.
Bob: What about Michelle, she got way hot.
Danny: She's my daugher for crying out loud!
Bob: I'd pork her WHILE f-blasting Gibbler ON your dead wife's bed. Then I'd bust on her white sheets.
Danny: Not the white sheets! That'd take forever to get out.
Bob: Neatfreak fag. Bang a Dustbuster.
Danny: That doesn't even make sense.
Bob: Where's Gibbler, I'm horny.
Danny: I hope you're not having sexual intercourse with that young girl.
Bob: Are you kidding? I wouldn't bang Gibbler with your dick.
Danny: We have the same penis.
Bob: Mine works though.
(Danny shakes his head)
Bob: I'm not a douche bag, but I played one on T.V.
(Danny shakes his head)
Bob: Get it? Get it? Because you're a douche bag.
Danny: I get it. Not funny, it's just mean. Really, really mean.
Bob: Tell Joey he's a loser too. Guy can do a Bullwinkle and Popeye, get some new impressions in your repertoire, stupid fat idiot wears that Red Wings jersey like it's glued to his freeloading back.
Danny: Why are you so dirty?
Bob: Because I can be! (Pulls a load out of his pants and throws it against wall)
Danny: You're a pretty sick man. What're you doing with your life? You used to be wholesome a father figure to millions of children. Group hug?
Bob: (breaking down/ cue cheesy Full House music) I don't know what else to do.
Danny: Be good. Be clean. Be a kind, sensitive human being.
Bob: (tearing up) I can't!
Danny: You can do anything you set your mind to Bob.
Bob: (looks up with crazy manic look) Could I bring your dead wife back to life?
(Danny exits room in disgust)