Danny Tanner: Hey there Bobby!

Bob Saget: Shut up faggot.

Danny: Now there's no need for that Bob, apologize.

Bob: Suck a nut.

Danny: There really is no getting through to you.

Bob: You piss me off Tanner.

Danny: Why? Let's talk about it.

Bob: You made me look like a sissy.

Danny: If raising three lovely daughters makes me a sissy, then darnit I'm a sissy.

Bob: (groans) I don't see how you ever had a wife, pussbot.

Danny: It was love.

Bob: Is that why she left you?

Danny: She died.

Bob: I killed her.

Danny: Now that's uncalled for Bob.

Bob: So is this!  (pulls out his testicles and starts spinning them)

(awkward silence)

Bob: I remember one time you were about to hook up with some hot piece of ass in her apartment, but ended up cleaning the place instead.

Danny: So?

Bob: So…that's so gay. I would've been on that like fat on D.J.

Danny: Beauty is on the inside Bob.

Bob: So you agree, she's fat?

Danny: I didn't say that!

Bob: You should've banged Rebecca when you had the chance.

Danny: That's Jesse's girl.

Bob: So?

Danny: You're awful.

Bob: What about Michelle, she got way hot.

Danny: She's my daugher for crying out loud!

Bob: I'd pork her WHILE f-blasting Gibbler ON your dead wife's bed. Then I'd bust on her white sheets.

Danny: Not the white sheets! That'd take forever to get out.

Bob: Neatfreak fag. Bang a Dustbuster.

Danny: That doesn't even make sense.

Bob: Where's Gibbler, I'm horny.

Danny: I hope you're not having sexual intercourse with that young girl.

Bob: Are you kidding? I wouldn't bang Gibbler with your dick.

Danny: We have the same penis.

Bob: Mine works though.

(Danny shakes his head)

Bob: I'm not a douche bag, but I played one on T.V.

(Danny shakes his head)

Bob: Get it? Get it? Because you're a douche bag.

Danny: I get it. Not funny, it's just mean.  Really, really mean.

Bob: Tell Joey he's a loser too. Guy can do a Bullwinkle and Popeye, get some new impressions in your repertoire, stupid fat idiot wears that Red Wings jersey like it's glued to his freeloading back.

Danny: Why are you so dirty?

Bob: Because I can be! (Pulls a load out of his pants and throws it against wall)

Danny: You're a pretty sick man. What're you doing with your life? You used to be wholesome – a father figure to millions of children.  Group hug?

Bob: (breaking down/ cue cheesy Full House music) I don't know what else to do.

Danny: Be good. Be clean. Be a kind, sensitive human being.

Bob: (tearing up) I can't!

Danny: You can do anything you set your mind to Bob.

Bob: (looks up with crazy manic look) Could I bring your dead wife back to life?

 (Danny exits room in disgust)