Me: Ugh, please stop.
Alarm Clock: Don't give me that sh*t, college boy. You've been working for two months and you're still incapable of waking up early like a normal working person? What are you going to do when you graduate?
Pillow: He probably won't find a job anyway.
Curtains: Hey boss, want me to pull up for the day?
Me: Please, no. Just let me sleep for 7 more minutes.
Alarm Clock: No. You hit snooze 6 times yesterday, we are not starting this again. Go ahead curtains, let him have it.
Sun: Morning you lil' bitch! Yeah, got my sh*t all up in them eyes, how you like that!?
Alarm Clock: 9,900 DEGREES, THAT'S WHY THEY CALL HIM MR. FARENHEIT!
Me: OK, fine, I'm up, I'm up.
Pillow: Where do you think you're going?
Me: We go through this every morning, Pillow. I have to go to work every day.
Pillow: Well you better f*cking come back, because if you don't, I'm going to tell your ex-girlfriend that you talk to me about her when you're drunk.
Me: You better not pull any crap like you did the last 2 days. I'm getting in the shower.
Shower: So how's work going?
Me: It's fine, it's just
Shower: It's just that you aren't doing any physical activity anymore. Look at how fat you're getting.
Me: Thanks. You know, I'm trying to hit the gym now and then, but it's hard when
Shower: When the only exercise you've got since high school has been lifting food to your face. You know what, get out of here and don't come back until you lose a few pounds, OK tubby?
Cell Phone: BUZZZZ! REALLY LOUD VIBRATING! BUZZZ!
Pillow: I would answer your phone, your ex-girlfriend is probably a little creeped out about that message she got a couple minutes ago.
Me: What? What did you say to her you bastard?
Pillow: Why don't you get it straight from your horse's mouth?
Me: (Into phone) Hey, Claire, how's it
no, that wasn't what me, see what happened was
I know it's the third time this week, but it's seriously not me
no, I don't still have feelings for you, it really wasn't me
no, please don't call the cops
Claire? (To pillow) You f*cking bastard, she's probably going to get a restraining order against me.
Alarm Clock: I thought you didn't have feelings for her anymore.
Me: I don't, but I mean
f*ck this; screw you guys, I'm going to work.
'95 Volvo: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What you doin' just tryin' to start me up all quick like. You gotta give me a little love first, get me in the mood.
Me: God damn it.
'95 Volvo: No wonder your girlfriend dumped you.