9:17 AM- Wake up.
9:20 AM- Remove cigarette butts stuck to old facepaint from yesterday's gig.
9:25 AM- Vomit.
9:30 AM- Realize you are going to be late for today's gig. Spend an hour not caring.
10:37 AM- Put on "The Suit".
10:50 AM- Count to 10. Walk out door.
NOON- Even though you are two and a half hours late, tell angry parents to "give you a fuckin' minute."
12:01 PM- During said minute, consume contents of liquor cabinet.
12:05 PM- Feel nothing.
12:45 PM- Teach the kids to roll their own.
12:50 PM- Remind parents it doesn't matter if they're dissatisfied, they still have to pay you.
12:51 PM- "Wow. Can't believe you said that in front of the children."
12:51 PM- "I'm not leaving. You leave."
12:53 PM- Awkward silence and staring.
12:54 PM- "Your wife's pretty hot."
12:54 PM- "Don't be a jerk. No one hits a clown."
12:54 PM- Father of birthday child takes swing at you.
12:55 PM- Get into fistfight.
12:57 PM- Make quick work of Dad, impress desperate, single mother who is easy.
1:00 PM- Take her with you.
ALL NIGHT- Ride the clown lightning.
9:17 AM- Repeat.