Imagine if the dinosaurs weren't extinct.


     I'd always carry one of those tiny dinosaur encyclopedia flippy books. Say a giant Giganotosaurus smashed through a fence and took a chunk out of my torso. If I somehow managed to live for more than 0 seconds, I might just be able pull out my encyclopedia and compare the size of my killer to an average human being before I bit the dust.
    I've always wondered about those little dinosaur size charts. What's the point of them? The only thing these charts say to me is that carnivorous lizards that are unquestionably faster, stronger and better at hunting than I am are also three times taller and fifty times longer than me. Well, we all know that there's no better way to lower someone's self esteem than to show them how insignificant they are in comparison to a mindless reptile with tiny arms.
    Imagine how different everyday life would be. I'd ride to work on a Velociraptor and soccer moms would drive around on Stegosauruss as they desperately tried to control their bickering kids. Old ladies would be throwing bacon bits on the cement, feeding packs of Compsognathus like they were Pidgeons. Scavengers would tear open garbage like Raccoons and the thick-skulled Pachycephalosaur would run a customer service line somewhere in India. If we could have dinosaurs as pets, I would get one of those acid-spitting Dilophosauruss from Jurassic Park. Whenever somebody pissed me off I'd get my Dilophosaurus to spit a little highly corrosive venomous acid on their face. That would teach them not to walk on my lawn or question my economic stimulus package.

    Imagine turning on the news and hearing "Scientists have discovered dinosaur bones from the late Jurassic period near South Africa on the island of Madacascar. As a result the group "IDWADDM" (Intelligent Dinosaurs Working Against Dinosaur Dicrimination and Mistreatment) attacked and killed 90% of all the scientists who worked on the discovery, claiming that it was justified behaviour because "rawr rawr rawr rawr" which can be translated to "You don't see us digging up your graves!" All of the dinosaurs that participated in the tradegy will be appearing in court sometime in late December to decide their fate."

    If you're a person that's afraid of sharks, imagine all the creatures in the ocean that would happily tear you apart if the dinosaurs weren't extinct. The only good thing that would come from giant carnivorous sea creatures roaming the sea would be an overall rise in the Japanese and Chinese economy as there would be twice as many fish to illegally catch in Canadian waters. People would enjoy a plate of giant, virtually tasteless Megalodon shark fin on a daily basis. We'd also see a rise in necklaces made from sharp teeth, there'd be tons of shark-like teeth everywhere for Mexicans to make necklaces out of and sell back to us for 200% of what they're worth.
    What about TV? I think the channel that would benefit the most from this would either be Animal Planet or the Food Network. Especially the food network. Did you know that lizard tail is actually edible? When it's cooked right, it can be actually pretty good. (I learned that from Bear Grylis after he ate the tail of something he found in a swamp. Guy's hardcore). Could you imagine Chef Ramsay from Hell's Kitchen yelling at some greasy burger flipper after finding out that they undercooked a Raptor tail?

    But, we're missing one big thing here. If the dinosaurs didn't go extinct, then they probably would've evolved to be more intelligent than we are. Given that, as cavemen, we would've been devoured to the point of extinction. So maybe having a trillion dinosaurs roaming around wouldn't be the best thing, but it would definitely be interesting.