Listen guys,

I know you've been working really hard lately, I just want all of you to know that I really appreciate your hard work and the commitment you're making to this team.

That being said there are a lot of you who have been slacking. Complaining that practice is "too hard" and that I'm "too rough" Well how are we ever going to get good without getting our hands dirty, guys? Break a sweat, spend some hard time on our backs. Come on you guys, practice isn't THAT bad. It's kind of fun.

When else do you get to hang out with all of your guy friends at once and just let yourself loose. Feel all your primal instincts. Go with your gut. And I know what you're about to say right now, "Our uniforms, our uniforms, blah blah BLAH." I get it you guys, I messed up. I didn't know how the sizes worked, and I guessed. I guessed wrong. But big whoop, you guys, so your uniforms are a little tight, it's no worse than what those fags on the swim team have to wear. It's pissing me off too, okay? Shut up about it.

In all honesty if you guys don't want to do this for yourself, do it for me. Remember when I lost to Joe Dwyer from Fairfield last year in States? Well I really want to kick his ass this year. So I need your help. We may run practice 2, 3 hours longer than usual. We might have to have sleepovers at my mom's house to discuss new moves and strategies. But that won't be too bad, I mean we can have snacks and shit. Watch movies… I dunno.

Oh, also, has everyone chosen a workout buddy? I can't express how important your workout buddy is. Last year Juan Alvarez was mine. We did everything together, that's how you get the most out of your workout buddy. People even made that joke about how me and Juan went to Junior Prom together, haha. We didn't, but we did hang out a lot there- Only because we went with these two lame chicks who didn't even like to dance. Anyway I'm getting off track. Juan quit the team this year so I'm going to need one of you guys to volunteer.

Seriously. Don't be a bunch of douchebags right now. Volunteers? Fine, I'll pick someone. There, Tyler, you're cute- strong. I mean strong. You wanna sleep over tonight?