Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
Aquiring A Permit To Build
August 13, 2009
I was watching the movie Cube today, as I do everyday, and began to wonder "
A building this size must have needed some sort of permit to build
". It's hard to believe that something of this size, withover 17,000 rooms some of which have traps designed to literly cut people into cubes, got past people. Well here is how I assume it went.
: Hello Mr. Henry, is it?
: And what can I help you with today?
: I would like to build the most advanced death machine I mean condominium ever!
: Okay, okay. Can I take a look at your building plans.
: Okay, here you go.
Scans over plans for a moment
Hmm. There are a few things that jump out at me. First of all, is there a reason each room is a 14×14×14 foot cube, with no living accomadations?
: Umm, It's because they are so advanced.
: Okay, that makes sense. But what is the need for the room with the sound activated sensors that cause large spears
: Okay, Spikes to come out of the wall?
: Best goddamn coat room ever!
: Umm, okay. How about the rooms with welding torches coming out of the wall?
: Let me give you the experience. Your at your normal house on Thanks Giving. As your about to cook your turkey, you realize it's to big for your oven. Now your angry. But now imagine your at your luxurious condo. You have this huge turkey. You now walk up to this room in your house, put the turkey inside and you'll be eating turkey of any size soon enough.
: Wow! What an innovation! I am now dieing to hear what the room with the razer sharp wire grating that falls from the ceiling is for?
: Have you ever tried to cut cheese with a knife? Well with that room all you have to do is throw your cheese in and you've got your self cubed cheese.
: I know just what you mean about cutting cheese with a knife. Boy do I have some story's to tell! But what about the room with acid sprayers in the walls?
: Oh! Those are just to kill people.
: Umm .
! Sign me up for condo there!
: I will soon enough!
Okay, thank you for your time. When can I pick up the permits?
: Sometime next week.
: Okay, thanks. Bye.
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Don't ask me again.