One of the things I hate most about most reality dating shows like The Bachelor/ette, Joe Millionaire, Average Joe, etc., is that the contestants all invariably "fall deeply in love" with the person they're competing for. This is nearly always contrived and done solely for the purpose of winning the competition. The thing I love about More To Love is that I'm pretty sure when these girls say that they're in love with Luke, they're not lying. None of these girls have ever been shown any attention (and probably shouldn't), so they're bound to fall in love (read: become crazily obsessed) with the first man who shows them the least bit of affection. Luckily for us, there are cameras watching this phenomenon unfold , and Luke slowly becoming scared for his life.

The episode starts out by showing the girls getting ready to eat and getting interrupted by the host. The girls are visibly upset. The host announces that they get to go on their first dates with Luke today. They must split up into two group dates.

The way they decide who gets to go on which date is to assign two girls captains (Anna and Malissa) and have them pick teams, like picking elementary school kickball teams (or for these girls, elementary school pie-eating teams). This is genius. There's nothing these girls need more than another blow to the self-esteem like getting picked last for an eating competition. Melissa makes this obvious in her interview by saying that "this is the moment that I'm going to realize that no one likes me" and starts crying. Christina talks about how when she was young nobody wanted to pick her for Red Rover, which makes no sense because you would want the fattest person on your team for Red Rover. She also says that "being overlooked because of your weight… makes you feel like less of a person" which also makes no sense. Then Mellisa starts crying for some reason.

So the two captains pick their teams and since there's an odd number, one is left out. This girl is Christina and it's revealed that none of the other girls like her because she's not fat enough or something. Anyway, the host then tells them that because Christina was picked last, she gets a one-on-one date with Luke

(what a tweest!). Now there is roughly 3000 lbs of angry woman to be dealt with. This is going to be entertaining.

Then they all go to get ready for their dates and Danielle once again talks about wanting someone to "look inside her." Jesus woman, ease up with that talk, I'm pretty sure nobody wants to see 200 lbs. of Crisco.

Kristian says that she thinks Luke is the "bee's knees" revealing that she is not only fat, but also from the 1920s. How is this woman single?! Heather has apparently never dated a guy bigger than her (suprise surprise) and she had butterflies in her stomach… and also that she was nervous. They must have been chocolate butterflies or something.

So the first group gets into the limo wondering where they're going and Luke tells them that it's a surprise, leading one girl (I'm not sure which one, but I'm guessing she was fat) to ask "WHERE ARE YOU TAKING US?!" as the limo pulls away. This proves that fat women are just like all women: annoying and stupid. HE SAID IT WAS A SUPRISE, BITCH!

So they get to a yacht and Luke takes them on board. Kristian says she would have been happy on a rowboat, but I doubt that the rowboat would have reciprocated those feelings. The first thing that happens is that
Heather gets sick and vomits into the water (she may want to consider doing that more…).

Then Luke kisses Malissa or something blah blah blah. Then they eat. In what may be the most unnecessary statement of all time, Luke tells them "Don't be bashful, dig in!" Malissa says something catty, then it's revealed that Kristian hates her because she wasn't fat growing up, and gained all her weight after high school. She's worse than a Colts fan who didn't start liking them until after they won the Super Bowl.

The Luke talks to Kristian and says some generic, I-wanna-get-in-your-size-20-pants stuff and she talks about how he's the perfect guy for her and she's basically in love with him. It begins.

Then he goes and talks to Heather and she says he's so sweet because he called her "precious" and apparently nobody has ever called her "precious." Apparently she's never dated Gollum before. Then she cries… two times, in different clothes.

So it's clear now, out of this date, the two front-runners are Heather and Kristian, mainly because they're the most unstable, and that makes for great television.

We go back to the house and the girls all gather around to read a note from Luke. It's to Christina.
The other women are visibly upset. Lauren tells Christina not to blow it and when she responds, Lauren's all like "that's what the 5 girls that went home said." "Oh no she di'int!"

Anyway, Christina leaves for her date and Luke starts talking about how "banging" her body is. I left to vomit for the next ten minutes so I'm not too clear on what happened. I assume they talked about how much they liked each other and all that boring shit. Oh yeah, I guess they went to Vegas or something.

Meanwhile, back at the Ranch,
the girls sit by the pool and talk about how much they love Luke. The only girl who is actually in the pool is the old stripper, probably because they don't want it to overflow or anything. Kristian's crazy obsession with Luke is wearing thin (no pun intended?) on the other contestants.

Back in Vegas, Christina talks about her ex-boyfriend (again with the great first date conversation!) and how he cheated on her because she was fat. What Luke doesn't know is that her "boyfriend" was actually just some dude who once sat next to her once in High School. They go back to his suite and they kiss and Christina stakes her claim to him being her "boyfriend" now. I don't know if she can out-crazy Kristian, but she it's gonna be fun to watch.

So they go back and it's time for the second group's first date. They're told to get their bathing suits(!!!!) and get into the reinforced limo outside. Obviously the swimsuit thing makes them a bit nervous and Melissa says she "just has to not cry." Yeah, good luck with that.

Then Melissa starts to cry.

Then they go to his pool and he makes them drinks and Melissa starts to cry again. She talks about how being in a bathing suit for the first time in front of a
guy she likes makes her "not know whether to cry or laugh." I'm pretty sure we all know the answer to that one.
Anyway they all get in their swimsuits and get in the pool and again I had to leave for a vomit break. I can only assume that the all the water overflowed and the pool broke apart forcing a tragic end to the date.

Back at the Ranch, the girls decide to leave Luke notes in his house. They are warned that this will make them look creepy, but when has that ever stopped any fat girl before?

So we go back to the pool and Arriane looks out of place because she actually looks like she belongs in a pool. The irony is lost somewhere in Melissa's fat rolls. So Luke takes Melissa for some alone time and somehow she gets through it without crying(!!!).

Then he talks to Lauren and she tells him how much she loves everything that he loves, I'm pretty sure she doesn't know what those things are, but she loves them, especially since she knows one of them is food.

After this date Luke goes back to the mansion and talks to some of the girls to figure out which ones are fat enough for him. He learns that Bonnie is a 50s housewife, Kristian is crazy, Heather is insecure, and Lauren is a gossip. Lauren tells him about how Arianne doesn't want kids and how she's old enough to be his mom. Since Arianne is 37, either Lauren doesn't know how to do math or doesn't think very highly of 11 year olds. Luke doesn't seem amused or really care what Lauren has to say about anything. Smart man.

Then Melissa cries again.

Elimination time! Three girls go home. These girls are Arianne, Maglia, and Vanessa. This doesn't surprise anyone because Arianne was too skinny and we never even saw any of the other two in this episode. Stay tuned next week, when they go to Prom and Melissa cries some more!