Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
The Time Traveller's Girlfriend
August 12, 2009
Rachel wakes up next to Henry.
I had a lot of fun last night.
Before this goes any further, I have to warn you. I was born with a rare genetic disorder that causes me to skip through time. I may disappear for months, even years at at time.
That's awful! Let me make breakfast, we can talk about-
The room is empty. Henry is already gone.
Rachel stands on her porch. Henry approaches, dishevelled.
Henry! Finally, you're back. You look horrible.
Yes, the effects of time travel often resemble a hangover.
At least you're here. My parents are in town this week, I really want you to meet them.
Ah, that's this week?
I think I feel some time travel coming on.
Shouldn't be longer than, oh, I don't know, six or seven days. Also, stay away from O'Reilly's Pub. I heard there's a time vortex there.
Are those dangerous?
Rachel arrives home from work. Henry is asleep on the couch, his hand down his pants.
Ah! My love, what year is it? How long since-
Cut the shit, Henry. You fell asleep watching porn again.
My dearest, just because my affliction prevents gainful employment-
Rachel holds up pair of women's underwear.
Ah. Time travel is very, very complicated
I think you should move out.
How can you say that, knowing at any second I could- Oops, here I go now.
He disappears from sight.
You're just hiding under the couch!
I think we're done here.
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.