Rachel Nichols: First offCreated, congratulations on your 9 consecutive NBA championshipwith the New York Knicks. How do you explain your success out there on thecourt?
Created Timothy Player: Wellfirst, I want to thank the man upstairs that created me. Second I would have togive it up to my teammates for passing me the ball on every possession and myopponents playing on a figurative very easy level. I also have an unrealistic court vision. Iliterally see two courts in 1080p when I'm playing.
RN: Well, you can't give all thecredit to your teammates can you? You are the first 7'11 point guard in theNBA. You averaged 78.8 points a game with your breakout 224 point game againstthe Hornets that earned you much acclaim and solidified your 9 straightall-star game selection, which you promptly skipped. You also shot the ball ata 70% clip from beyond the arc, but opted to drive in and dunk on every playmost games. Let's not even get started on the defense where you averaged 25blocks, 25 rebounds, 25 steals; which rounded out your coveted quest for thequintuple double average for a season. Is it really about your teammates atthis point?
CP: You know I just go out thereand play with the abilities I've been given. Sure I am impervious to injury andI am legally the world's fastest man but I don't think about myself first. Thelittle people are the ones to thank. Like Nate Robinson, he averaged .01seconds of playing time this year because of my inability to lose stamina,which has been well documented, but he is still a good sport about it.
RN: Life wasn't always this easyfor you was it? Can you talk about your life before the NBA?
CP: It was tough in Australia. Itwas like my aggressiveness was all the way up. I killed 17 men before I wasfour years old. If you even looked at me the wrong way I would snap your neck.I was constantly picked on because I was born 7'11 inches and only 150 poundsand with a bright red afro. Kids can be cruel, but not when they are dead. You eyeingme Nichols? Anyway, I transferred to South East Illinois College which seemedto be picked at random and the rest is history.
RN: You have become very popularin Japan and other countries. Can you talk about life outside the NBA?
CP: Yeah it's been great. I did acouple endorsements in Japan, shot a couple commercials. I also save lives inmy spare time. It's not really something I can control. I have an incredibledrive to Hustle no matter where I am. I've saved 8373 cats from being stuck intrees and solved every cold case in the state of Texas. I also know who killedKennedy.
RN: I hear you are a family man.How is the family?
CP: I love my kids. As you know Ikilled my wife the first and only time we had sex. My stamina condition combined with myaggressiveness just had bad results as you can imagine. I stole 8 babies fromAfrica, as they reminded me of basketballs, and we have been the Player familyever since.
RN: What are your plans for thefuture, now that you have reached the summit in so many areas?
CP: Well since I can't age past 24, I'll keep bringing homechampionships for the Knicks. I can't wait to get back out there and Simthrough another grueling hour long season
CP: And its comforting to know that if we aren't doingwell, we will be user controlled during the crucial game sevens to ensure wewin that tenth championship.