Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
Issue One Hundred and Twenty
August 13, 2009
300 Hours Free!
Do cowboys just call them hats?
When I was little I was allergic to strawberries. Last week I tried a strawberry, and to my surprise, I still hate my mother.
God doesn't get mad. He gets even.
I was sober for 12 years. And then I turned 12.
Women face a glass ceiling when it comes to professional basketball. Roughly the bottom of the backboard.
I was reading this book the other day and I couldn't decide if the word was pronounced "caramel" or "carmel." It ends up the word is pronounced "karma," and it's pretty fitting because I just murdered my English teacher.
I want to get a full body tattoo of my own body, only 2 inches to the left, so I can stand outside 3D movies and really mess with people.
I got really depressed last night when the weatherman said everyone would be waking up to cloudy skies and rain in the morning, because that meant he assumed I'd be waking up in the morning.
I'm writing a movie about a woman who is melted by a military weapon, then her remains solidify into a mutated version of her original self. It's called
Being a lifeguard is probably the easiest job ever until you have to do something.
"An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind."
Someone should've told Ghandi if everyone was blind there would be no more racism.
I've been feeling pretty depressed lately, so my friend told me to try a puppy. I don't get it though: I've already eaten most of it and I barely feel better at all.
Does the tip of Toad's penis look like a human head?
You can tell a lot about a man by his religious beliefs, political philosophies, and core values.
"Blame It On The Alcohol"
At last, a rap song that automatically excuses me for singing it at karaoke.
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